Perhaps when we have spent sooooo long wanting to get something, when one starts to reap the rewards we then wonder 'do we really want it?'.
When my H had his affair I was desperate at the beginning to keep him and make sure that my marriage worked. Then, when we seemed to be turning a corner and he was making all the right moves and all the right noises, I suddenly felt as though perhaps I didn't want it after all. The balance of power had changed - no longer was he in charge and was I begging for every last morsel. Now he was contrite and I seemed to be the one with all the power and it's not a nice thing to admit but I think a portion of me wanted to get my own back. I started to tell him that I wasn't sure I wanted to stay in the marriage, (and I did truly feel this, I wasn't trying to just be spiteful). I wondered if I wanted to get out there whilst I was still young enough and find someone else to spend my life with who would love me unconditionally and without placing any doubts in my mind. But does that person actually exist? Is it not better to stay with someone who knows us 'warts and all?'
Do you want her? I don't know - only you know that. But my guess would be that you do want her - you just want her to want you more than you think she does at the moment, and she needs to prove it. Perhaps she can't do that vocally but maybe she can by the way she acts. Even washing ones partners clothes, tidying up after them etc can be a way of showing that you love them. My mum isn't very good at vocalising her love but she shows it in what she does for me and my sister even though we no longer live at home.
If your wife is only just starting to show she cares once more then give her a bit more time. I don't know how old your children are, (mine are 15,14,12 and 9) and the last few years have used up all my energy. By the end of a day I am all cuddled out and have little left for my husband. As far as I was concerned he was an adult and could look after himself. I was WRONG and I cry thinking about how WRONG i was. He needed me as much as the children did but instead I used any spare time I had looking after myself and my own interests. I was also a stay at home mum. Until I had children I had been the main breadwinner, but once the family arrived that changed and without realising it so much of my self worth dissapeared ,along with my laughter and joy of life. I also felt who would want me? And so it was memories of boyfriends etc that knew me before that kept me feeling alive.
Don't turn away from her just when she is turning back to you. There is so much in the future to look forward to. Try and remember what you enjoyed doing before the children came along. You are people, NOT just parents, and you will be a couple again once the children leave home.Start doing things together just the two of you like going to the theatre or the cinema, playing sports like tennis or badminton.....
I applaud you for remaining fit and I am sure you wife thinks thats great too. It can be quite a shock to see people we remember from when we were young, and see how badly they have aged .
Keep the faith - it is possible to fall in love again and rekindle that passion
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
