OK so now he's saying he knows he loves me but just doesn't know how much. He doesn't think he loves me as much as I love him or as much as he thinks he should do. He says he doesn't think he will end up leaving but he doesn't know for sure. I can't take it anymore I just really cannot bare it. He says he knows we can be happy because we were until I found the letter. He says his feelings are all muddled. I don't understand and I don't know what to do. I feel like I just want to cry and cry until I don't exist anymore because it is just so painful existing like this. I can't even get any support from anyone because I don't want them all to hate him again if it turns out to be just a little blip. And my poor little boy is going to have to go through it all again. I just wish I wasn't here. I wish I'd never found the letter and said the things I've said that have made him doubt his feelings for me. I hate myself and I hate him for being so weak minded.
Gosh inpain, I wish I could hug you right now. The pain is so apparent.
My IC recently clued me into something and maybe you already know. When my W says, "I can't love you as much as you love me", it's due to her low self-image. She doesn't think she can ever be that good, love that much. My W has a lot of mental/emotional damage right now and my IC is helping me to understand where a lot of this is coming from.
I wonder if this isn't the case with your H?
To not be able to receive the awesome gift of love you offer, not only that but to self-destruct via OW?
I think this is a man that doesn't know what to do with love like this so he has to destroy it. I think that is what is going on inside of him whether he realizes it or not.
I realize this isn't helping you much inpain, yet I hope you see that this isn't about anything you should, could or would have done.
This is about him not being able to see himself as worthy of someone like you and his only out is to make you want to leave. Which would reinforce his belief that he doesn't deserve it.
