Well, if you think he is going to hurt you or one of the kids, that is different and you need to act accordingly. If he comes to your house and does something or you think you are in harm's way, call the police.
Otherwise, things like him being dramatic or difficult or trying to paint a picture for his co-workers are his problems. Most likely, they think he looks foolish. Don't worry about that. Focus on wehat you and your kids need, and take action.
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
I don't have a problem w/ the kids spending the night at OW's they do it all the time on his weekends it's just that he told D7 the plan for the day & the night, which during the day is the party and after the fireworks, which means I will not be able to take them.
Nomopo, If u don't think that is the reason he called (so urgently about the refinance) then what do u think it is? Or it could be just another form of exercising his control? The old me would be calling him right back. Yes I am a bit nervous at the thought of what he might do so I just avoid it by not being home. He has some anger issues.
If u don't think that is the reason he called (so urgently about the refinance) then what do u think it is? Or it could be just another form of exercising his control?
Maybe I'm missing something, but it seems pretty clear to me he is calling because you texted him "reminding him" you were to have the girls for the fireworks (after he apparently told them they would be with him for fireowrks) and telling him he could forget the overnight stay you both had agreed about. And after leaving that message, which it seems to me would likely upset him, you went drak and avoided several phone calls, turned off IM at work, and didn't return his voicemails.
What am I missing chicki? Don't you think that is why he is calling and why he "threatened" you?
Do you plan to call him back, or just let this fester/simmer/get worse from now to the 4th?
Nomopo
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
My H & ended up talking via IM when I got home & ofcoarse he had dchnged the original plans jsut like I thought he would and awanted to keep them until Thursday(after the fireworks) so I would have to drop my plans w/ the girls!! I told him no I was planning on going out of town to see family form out of the contry and if he could not stick to the original plan he was not getting the girls. WHenever he does not get his way H threatens to do soemthing like turning off the electricity. This time he went too far. This morning I got on my work email the electric diconection verification. I tried calling the electric company but could not get it turned back on without paying the past due of over 100 dollars which I don't have right now. I can't even put it on my name in a new account w/ out paying first AND going thru a credit check AND paying a new deposit. Why am I bothering to stay w/ this He$$ of a man? I texted him this morning to tell him that I guess he really will not see his girls anymore b/c now we must find a place to stay w/ electricity. H never cared to spend time w/ the girls before when he was still at home. Now he wants to be "father of the year"? He sasid I should be happy he wants to see his kids and not be a dead beat dad?? He was a dead beat dad when he was a full time dad!The girls always got on his nerves & everything else, tv, freinds were more important. Before I picked up one of the girls on tuesday after work he had called my mom's and mom finally let him have a peice of her mind. She told him he was the cause of all of this & why if he can't stand me so much why did he not D me first instead of putting all his family thru he$$. H told her she was a "fanatic" (religious wise) & she replied yes the Bible says you will all call us names but thats ok I love the Lord and you will pay if not in this lifetime you will later. My H does not beleive in hell so he says it does not matter after he dies. The enemy has him so wrapped up I feel sorry for him. I wish the rapture wuld hurry up & come so I can leave this world!!
My H left me a message at work this morning to open up my IM and talk /w him. We talked all morning and I tried to say bye a few times b/c I really had alot work to do. He as always complained about his finances. I told him many times I wanted to sit and write up a budget for us but he never wanted to. I said months ago I wanted to help him out even if i had to be on a strict budget and watch every dollar & I thought I could help him w/ not much but w/ maybe 300 to 400 a month towards the house. He said really you never told me that before? he seemed interested /w the idea. I know this is a big worry for him and he had told my mom he was tired of paying all the bills...well he makes 30grand more thant I do..duh I can only pay so much,like the daycare,groceries, my car & insurance and everything the girls need. He called the electric to turn it back on after I told him to just add my name to the account & later he can take his name off so I can then take it over.
H insisted I meet him for lunch at our house, but would not say why. I told him I had a lunch appointment(yes its true) & I would not know if I can make it at that time. He insisted this was the only time he had and to please come see him. I said r u serving me w/ the papers? B/c you can do that after work I said,no its not that. I said if he was going to hurt me I was not going. H- no I would not be discussing that over the IM. M- But your not discussing it, your being secretive! I said ya know this thing happens all the time & since you don't want me you only want the kids....I guess I need to make sure I have a Living Will & life insurance in place just in case. No just come over ok?
We met and he was taking his sweet 'ol time as I asked what he wanted. He was looking all thru the house & I sked him what he was looking for & he said to make sure I hadn't moved or packed anymore of his stuff. He said you see what happedns when you do. I told him I was finishuinbgwhat he started by helping him pack his clothes. I don't need your help! Nicely I told him you see & you say I am crazy? who is being revengeful here w/ turning off the electric? H threw me on the bed and kissed me for a good while full of passion, but I was not "feeling it". He tried to take my top off & told him this was not going to happen. I said that why he has her for. He reminded me of the text I sent him a week ago.I had sent him a "naughty" message w/ his "fantasy" of which it included stuff he had said not too long ago of what he wanted me to always do to him. That nite I waas feeling really bad after we had a long discussion about his finances and I was down & feeling guilty for alot of things so I textd not really expecting him to come home or anything or call me back b/c I knew he wouldn't, but to maybe just maybe let him know I can be the woman he wants in bed. I told him yes I sent the message in a weak moment. H- well I am having a weak moment right now. Again I said no then you have her for that weak moment. M- What am I suppose to do the next time I have a weak moment?I said I guess I will have to learn to pleasure myself now or just keep fantasizing. Fantasizing about who? Well ya know old boyfreinds, the usual stuff. I kept turning him down several times. Finally I was saying goodbye when he said he was staying in bed for a little longer & would take a nap. I leaned over to kiss him on the cheek and he grabbed me closer and gave me a hard, long hug. Said to kiss all his girls for him.
GUYS!! WTH?? IS this a man just beign a PIG or what????Can I get some males clarification please?
I've only read your last two posts, but I have to say that based on them I think your H is a very inconsiderate and insensitive man (and yes, a pig). He wants his to have his cake and eat it too, but I also have to say that your weak moment text last week didn't help things at all. However, that being said, he should've been more respectful towards you and your feelings.
The turning off the electricity when you have kids in the house is ABSOLUTELY UNACCEPTABLE, and says a lot about his character besides his cheating ways. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this. How stressful he is making your life right now! I think it was great that you rejected his advances, because now he will have to respect you and your boundaries. He saw in the text from last week that you are willing to be the woman he wants in the bedroom, so if you have met all of his other wants/needs in the M, he may be willing to come back at some point and give it another shot. However, he needs to see that he will have to make a recommittment to the M, and that he can't just see you for a lunch time quickie and call it good.
Yes! Thanks GD! Do you think he will understand or see this is why I turn him down?? I hope so. After I left I felt like telling him that I don't need him to "throw me a bone" w/ his sexual advances. H knows my high sex drive so does he think by giving me alittle here and there that will satisfy me and it will be ok for him to continue living w/ her? I don't know but one can only take this for so long...
Do you think he will understand or see this is why I turn him down??
Tough to say because he is so pig-headed -- might have to beat it into him! Hopefully he'll reflect on the sitch and come to that conclusion, but if he doesn't then we can always hope another sitch (NOT like the lunch time one, though) will come about where you can express/explain this to him. Bottom line (IMO): before things can progress THIS MUCH needs to be understood.
GUYS!! WTH?? IS this a man just beign a PIG or what????Can I get some males clarification please?
I think your answer is right here:
Originally Posted By: chicki
He reminded me of the text I sent him a week ago.I had sent him a "naughty" message w/ his "fantasy" of which it included stuff he had said not too long ago of what he wanted me to always do to him.
You've given him conflicting messages. If you want him to understand your new boundary, you have to be consistent.
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
AHA! He did mention that & I admitted I had a weak moment. He also said that MAYBE if I did sleep w/ him we would be doing it evryday and all the time? Is he implying coming back? Man you guys do say ANYTHING in order to get sex! He said that when I asked well what am I suppose to do the next time I get a weak moment call and wait for you, i don't think so. I told him I will try better and will not call him the next time that happens.
Why on earth will he not just file when i signed the agreement two months ago? He asked again if I was willing to help out w/ the bills. I know this is his biggest worry,but this alone cannot be his reasoning to not come back...he has mentioned that whenever him & OW w/ her kid go out she pays her own way so, i don't know...
Hopefully he'll reflect on the sitch and come to that conclusion, but if he doesn't then we can always hope another sitch (NOT like the lunch time one, though) will come about where you can express/explain this to him. Bottom line (IMO): before things can progress THIS MUCH needs to be understood.