I think it is too judgemental to call a person a failure in life if they don't find love according to a standard. In fact, judging success and failure is dangerous territory. A few years ago, when my son was arrested for drug dealing and we got a call from jail at 3 in the morning, my husband held me and said, "does this mean that we are a failure as parents?" And I thought of all the things we did with our son to give him a good life, the bright and sunny times, and I said, "yes, I think we have to admit that we are failures." Well, 5 years have passed since that time, and my son now works fulltime and keeps out of trouble. Now we are judged as a huge success, and others ask me how I did it. Life is too complex to measure with a yardstick.
I do think that it is destructive that we have come to believe that love is the result of being hit with Cupid's arrow. And unless we are regularly struck with the arrow, we do not feel love. I am embarassed to admit, I had to be told that love is a decision. And it is only because I am pretty honest with myself that I can see that I decided a long time ago to not love my husband, and how destructive that decision was. I got what I deserved. My boyfriend never came back and said he wanted to build his life with me, but my husband's old girlfriend was right there for him. Poetic justice. Luckily, my husband's goal was not so much to reunite with the old girlfriend as it was to live a life with a loving partner. If I was truly willing to do that, then he wanted to do it with me.
