I don't know if it is the continuous roller coaster ride or what b/c H was and had been very calm and quiet (other than my turning him down quite a few times sexually),but last nite he says the only way he forsees himself getting out of debt is by buying me out of my part of the deed by refinancing. We aren't even D yet. He has not filed!! Why does he want this and not the D? I said so your throwing us out? No he said I would get sufficient $ to start over w/ a new place. I think he is stressing b/c his OW is putting the $ pressure on him to help out and he can not afford to. He said he told her if she can't handle it then he would have to leave & so she hasn't said anything more about it. He says he does not pay any bills over there,but that was a lie b/c he accdentally left his check book I saw last month where he paid her cable bill. I think that was probably his idea b/c she sounds to busy w/ law school to watch any tv. As he tells me she is always on the computer doing homework. The way he was telling is almost like he feels "unattented to just like when he was here (poor me),but Ow has A GOOD REASON -SCHOOL & I had none(3kids -hello) to not give him any attention.My H would pay for his tube addiction.
So there I was not beign able to sleep thinking will I soon have to really leave the house I so love?? H was upset all around last nite b/c we had a misunderstanding about him wanting to take the girls out last nite. H claims he told me about it & I said no you must said you would be by twice this week and did not say when. So I was kidless when he got home and even though we sat and I heard him go on about work and $ stressors, he was still very upset at me. Sid he will not see them this weekend or the next(his fault daytona race comes first)! So he wants to take them overnite Tuesday the 3rd and have them all day the fourth & return them in time for me take them for the fireworks. On a sarcastic reply from me to yet another stupid "did your BF give you that" remark, I just agree to anything sarcastically & on that note was I guess his last straw and rushed off to leave. He said I can't stand your sarcasm, well I am tired of your stupid BF remarks! I did not say that but WTH! I am sure his OW has moved already and he IS staying there. Still he claims he does not know if he will live there or w/his dad OR come back to our house! LIES, lIES. ALready has plans for the fourth to spend it at OW apt pool. WHenenever he suspects "my BF" he gets really mean and starts to scare me about the house and stuff. As he was rushing off after the last BF remark I was trying to beat him out the door as I did not want him to see how hurt I felt b/c I was feeling really close to him while we were actaully communicating for almost an hour until mr bipolar did a switcharoo on me!
As I was leaving and getting in my car, yet another comment- yeah go ahead go see him I know you gotta go! UGH!
I did something so unlike me! I NEVER invite him out so I said no I want to get me something to eat do you want to come? WHY????I knew he was upset so y did I do that knowing his response- no I am going to my dad's. WHatever!
chicki you have got to get a hold of yourself and your emotions. I know it is hard and believe me I have a tough time too but at least take some small concentrated steps to doing so.
When he was rushing off, could you have not just turned away? Why would you need to leave first? I am confused about that. Where were you?
As for the lies, I am usually calling people out on them but I learned with my H that it only made him all the more sneakier. So I think it is good that you are saying nothing.
As for buying you out of the deed. BS! He can refinance without doing so. Tell him that when he brings it up again.
I know your right Trip!! I've got to do what others here do get some duck tape!!
I ty not to call him out anymore on the lies. H also will get more sneakier and when I do call him out it only proves to him I have snooped thru his things once again which he can't stand.
Trip, you can give me another lecture again. I felt so bad last nite & I wanted to make it up to him by lettinghim know I still care b/c I sat thinking about all the times I kept turning him down and wondering if this was his way of "testing" what we had discussed about his sexual needs that I wasn't complying with before (did not know of). I think in the past week he was really trying to decide whether or not to move into OW new apt and thats when he kept coming on non stop to me. I think he was seeing if I were to perform what he thought "i just ain't that type of women to do those things he likes".
So late last night I texted ( i never do this) sexually explicit message. I knew he probably still was too mad to respond but I wanted him to know I wanted him anyways.I wrote that the house was completely empty and without any kids & I could do whatever to him any room of the house and hthat I wanted to ravish him,etc you get the drift. Yep no reponse.
I know i did wrong on text,but I kinda liked "acting like the GF" this time and being abit "naughty" just like he wants/likes & thinks I am not capable of......
The girls and I just got back from seeing the movie "Evan Almighty". I recommend EVRYONE to go see it. I laughed so hard all thru it I cried!! Talk about a pick me up!! I can't wait for teh dvd to coem out. Take your kids ,my D6 always falls asleep but not this time!
I somewhat of a dilemma: last week H said he wants the girls overnite tomorrow until all day the fourth but will bring them back in time b/v h knows I want to take them to the fireworks. Well on Sunday he was talking to them on the phone & said he was having a party at OW new apt & he was taking them to see the fireworks. Hmmm I get the impression he will not bring htem back in time for my plans. So I texted him later that day (ne respnse back) to remind him I was taking them to see fireworks & to forget taking them obernite if he was going against my plans that we wold be out of town. Yesturday I decided to go dark and shut my cell down, did not log on my work IM (this is how H & talk during the day) & I screend my work phone. In the morning I received an outside call (while @ work)and I did not answer it and then one second afterwards my cell phone rings(ringer off but I watched to see if was H) & indeed it was H calling from his work. H texted me to call back. Later in the afternoon H left me a VM on cell that he needed my help on soemthing & if I did not call back I will see what will happen to me!!Threatening?? By then I had turned the phone off so I did not turn it back on until I got home after work. No, I did not call him. H NEVER answers his cell when I call & have the girls!! That is not y I did not call,but to show him he can not threaten all the time & will just jump to his beck and call! I am assuming he was calling b/c last week he was thinking about refinancing the house so he can "buy" me out of my deed and he can catch up on his bill,& mortagage. This is his new plan to get me to leave the house. Says he will give me enough money to start over so I can get my own place. I thought about it & no I don't think it's a good plan. Last nite I made sure the girls and I were out of the house incase h came by. I will do the same tonite & I know this wil piss him off,but oh well......
PS I still have my cell turned off. I just listened to the saved message again & he states "I would appreciate it if you would give me a call back I really need your help on a situation & if you don't call me back then you r going to see what is going to happen." So I guess he doesn't say what is going to happen to YOU. Is this not considered a threat then?
In thinking this thru I really don't think H needs my signature to refinance b/c even though my name is on the deed it is not on the mortagae bill or finince paperwork. I was turned down at that part due to debt to income. So when the bill comes it is only on his name.
I think you are trying to get a reaction out of him and it is working. You said that you and H previously discussed him having the kids on the 4th, but getting them back to you in time for the fireworks. Then, through one of your kids you hear that he is taking the girls to OW's apartment to see the fireworks. This upsets you, and your emotions take over (understandable, chicki, but usually not good to act on emotions). So, you conclude ("get the impression"), without talking to H, that "he will not bring htem back in time for my plans." So, again rather than talk to H about the kids and who will have them when, you send him a text message to "remind him" of your plans and that he should "forget" taking the kids overnight as agreed. Emotions are now causing this situation to escalate. Then, you decided to "go dark" and stopped taking calls on your cell, stopped your work IM (the normal way for communications between you two during the day), and "screend" his calls (meaning ignored them). Do you see why he might be irritated? I understand you were frustrated by the idea that he might want to keep the kids for the fireworks, but do you think this was the best way to handle it? Even if you think he would have been a jerk when you called, you should rise above that chicki. Plus, your kids are now in the middle of this ugliness, and that is not good. You and H both need to do what is in the best interests of the kids at all times, not make them pawns in your issues and in your DB efforts. Going dark cannot include shutting down all lines of communication with H about who is going to have the kids when.
At one point you said "No, I did not call him. H NEVER answers his cell when I call & have the girls!!" This is wanting to be right. This is letting your emotions about what H does drive what you do. Do you want to be right, and play the blame game, or do you want to find solutions. You later said: "That is not y I did not call,but to show him he can not threaten all the time & will just jump to his beck and call!" Honestly, it looks like you are trying to play games with him, and I don't think that is going to help you reach any of your goals.
Originally Posted By: chicki
I am assuming he was calling b/c last week he was thinking about refinancing the house so he can "buy" me out of my deed and he can catch up on his bill,& mortagage. This is his new plan to get me to leave the house. Says he will give me enough money to start over so I can get my own place. I thought about it & no I don't think it's a good plan.
I doubt this is why he called, but if it is, fine. Listen to what he says, and either answer him if you know what you want to say or tellhim you will get back to him.
Originally Posted By: chicki
Last nite I made sure the girls and I were out of the house incase h came by. I will do the same tonite & I know this wil piss him off,but oh well......
This won't help anything, and again your daughters are becoming innocent victims of these events. You need to consider what is best for the girls, in my opinion. Keeping them out of the house to avoid H doesn't seem healthy for them, unless you feel he is a physical threat to them or you. (Sorry if I missed that in your sitch.)
Originally Posted By: chicki
What do you guys think??
Well, I pretty much gave you my two cents. If I were you, I would call him, apologize for not getting back to him sooner (and if pushed just say you've been busy with some things at work, or whatever), and then you two figure out what you are going to do with the girsl on the 4th. Remnind him of your earlier agreement about the fireworks, and be prepared to honor the agreement about him having the girls overnight.
Nomopo
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
Yes there has been physical abuse from H in the past & most recent (i really didn't take it too seriuosly though). The most recent was when he assumed I was seeing someone else & choked me in his rage. I do beleive he can get out of control when his temper takes over. I was not up to any drama esp. w/ the kids around. Hence another reason to not being at home. Another reason to not call him back at his work b/c he loves to put on a"show" infront of his coworkers. H does it all the time to make me look bad esp. since they only hear one side of the convo. & he makes it sound like I am the crazy one.
