I think I am done with D counseling with my W. We are supposed to go again in a couple of weeks, so I have time to think about it. The reason why I'm done is the last two weeks and especially last night in counseling it has been made clear to me my W's counselor cannot be an objective third party. Last night I was telling my W and her C that I have a differing point of view from my W and that it will be hard for me to work with her and her demands for raising our children in two separate homes. I then told them that as a Christian I have no idea how she can justify this D. Her C then tells me this "If Christ was to walk in the room now sure he would not be happy with your W's decision to D, he also would not be happy with your abuse and neglect". Yes, that is right I am abusive and neglectful according to my W C. Hearing her counselor say this I wanted to lash out and defend myself, luckily I did not. I just said that is wasn't worth me defending myself. This comment was said at the end of our time, so I got out and vented to my friend instead of to my W and her C.
Another reason that I do not feel that I should go along with this D counseling charade is her counselor is only trying to convince me to go along with everything that my W wants in this D. Meaning....I need to able to drop everything to help my W with our girls whenever she needs me. I need to tell our girls how wonderful of a mother and person my W is. I am supposed to tell my girls that the decision to D was a joint decision and that I feel this will be best for all of us. I am also supposed to go along with my W's manipulation of our 5D so her plans go smoother. Yes, I think she is manipulating our 5D into liking her new church, to make this easier on her. Not that her church is bad and that I do not want my D to be comfortable there, but when you pray with her constantly about accepting and being comfortable at this church I think you are being a little manipulative.
The question that I have is do I go or not go? Am I just being a baby by not going or is my reasoning legitimate.
It is now clear to me that her counselor is doing nothing to save our M and really just guiding my W through the D process. I do not know how someone could say that I am abusive and neglectful without ever sitting down and talking to me... My W has proven that she is OK and comfortable with lying to her C, even with that her C is more then willing to accept everything thing my W says as truth. I do not understand this.
I need to keep moving on. My biggest emotional hurdle is that I still need to interact with her on a daily basis. We have been for the most part been nice and cordial with each other. I am having a hard time when shots are taken at me like what happened yesterday by her counselor, or when I hear about how wonderful life is for her now. I think when she is not in the house any longer I can get off the emotional roller coaster for a while.
Last night after counseling I had softball, this was good, it was something else for me to get my mind off of things. My parents were watching my girls and they brought them to my game. It is always nice to have my girls around. Really it was fun watching them play with the other kids at my game. The are really becoming good friends with my friends kids. Towards the end of my game my parents brought my girls home to their house for baths. I then went to my cousins house to pickup somethings that I left at their house from the party on Saturday. I ended up talking to my cousin for a while, she is one of the few in my family that knows about the D. She is also the one that goes to my W's church and my W really likes her and gets along with her. Anyways, we talked for awhile and she said that it seems like there is just some switch or knob that needs to be turned on in my W. She said it is either going to happen at the last minute or after it is to late. I agreed.... I also told her about the marriage intensive that our church wants to send my W and I to. She is also a PK(preachers kid) and I guess her dad is friends with the guy that runs this program. She said that she doesn't think anybody from my church could convince her to go, but she is going to try herself. So we will see. If we where to do this M intensive and my W still wanted a D I would be more at peace with it knowing that we did all we could to save our M.
Today, I brought D5 into work with me, she is currently watching finding nemo). I plan on working a half day and then we will go down the block to the Taste of Chicago for lunch.
I just heard this afternoon my W is going to be meeting with a couple from our church. I have no idea what they are going to talk about, but I would consider them friends of our M. They are the ones that first mentioned the marriage intensive in Colorado to us back in January. I am not getting my hopes up but it is comforting knowing how many people do care for us and our M.
