How long does Replay last?

[still hoping]

Thinking about adding something like this to the letter, but not sure where to fit it in:

I've tried to figure out what I did to you that was deserving of these lies and this nightmare in general, but have come to accept that maybe it is something I will never understand.

Too much blame?

As for the latest news (the hits keep coming!), got some major anger and annoyance from H this morning from me trying to get his old passport which I needed to renew our permits (oh yeah - he ended up not going with us to get them after he said he would). I remained calm and as kind as I could be and seemed to settle him down a bit and get him to help me out in the end. When I got his passport, I realized why he was so reluctant to let me have it. He had removed 2 visas that were in there to her country. I knew that he had gone there once last year to see her (he told me it was for business) but obviously, he had gone again (maybe to bring her back here) and didn't want me to see that. Not sure if he realized or just didn't care that the consulate places a stamp half on the visa sticker and half on the passport page for both visas (probably so visas can't be transfered and tampered with). There would have been absolutely no reason for him to remove the visa if he had only gone once, since we were still together during that time and I was fully aware of it. Definitely trying to cover something up.

The second little bit of information I got was that his restaurant/company was incorporated 5 days after we split last year. Which means he was planning this while we were still together. Unbelievable. According to friends, he had taken several trips to try to sell the idea to investors months before we split and was intending for me to never find out that he was behind the restaurant. (Did I ever mention that restaurant has her last name in it?)

Somehow, he stupidly believes that I still don't know about OW. Thinks that he got away with it by using another name when he introduced her (duh! it was the same fake name she gave me last year!) I think because the old me would have confronted him immediately on all of the things I've discovered, so he really thinks that because I haven't said anything, I don't know anything.

Have also learned that the place he is staying in is crap. An old run down place - which - here's the kicker - he's sharing with at least 2 of her friends! So all together, there are 4 of them staying in a tiny, crappy place. And their rent is 2 months past due. I should add that this is someone who had his own HOUSE on the beach in an exclusive neighborhood while he was in college. Besides me, never even had a roommate before because he hates living with other people. Whatever!

I need to pass him mine and kids' passports in the morning so that he can finish with the permits. Have to continue to be nice out of fear that he won't return passports to me, then I'm really screwed. Will try to sit on the letter a while longer if I can control myself. Oh yeah - on the forms, it asks about marital status, with "separated" being an option. I asked him if he thought checking that box would lower my chances of getting permit renewed and he said maybe, so guess he will be checking "married" on his form too.