You have come such a long way. You are an inspiration to us all. WELL DONE.
How are the meds going? I have ended up zonked out on valium because of whats going on in my life!!!!
Hey theo, haven't heard from you for ages. Whats going on with you? You will be pleased to learn that I am trying to arrange lots to do at the moment!!!
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
I See where you are going with this. Sounds good to me. I am getting frustrated again. I don't know why I just can't go along and think of her as my sugar mama. Most of my pay check goes towards the mortgage and I have been spending allot of her money these last few weeks. She has not said one thing about it. I am living through a delicate time in my mind right now because my first W left me with 2 kids 1 week before our 5 year anv. Wouldn’t be a hoot if I screwed this marriage up 1 week before out 17th? I need to detach more. I am going today to get the watch and I will check on the flowers to see how long I can wait to get them delivered on the Thursday before we leave. Cades- I am not expecting ANYTHING from this. Of course I know deep inside I will be a little disappointed if I don't even get a card but I am not going to let it show. Thanks everyone for your support. Saffi-
No Meds YET. As for the tattoo how does everyone feel about?
1. Letting the W know BEFORE and maybe asking if she wants to help me pick it out.
Or
2. Just doing it. (Of course I will ask my D.25 to go with me and help me pick it out. I don't want to end up with tinker bell or puff the magic dragon on my arm for the rest of my life. I sorry for being so swishy washy about this whole AFFAIR. (Nice play on words). But sometimes I feel I can only go on so much longer before I take the plunge that so many of you have and write the final "letter".
Thanks The psycho husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Keep your head clear - it's the right thing to do in the long run. I only resorted to the valium as I was getting pretty close to self harming again. Luckily though that moment has passed and my H is being very supportive at the moment. Just wish my MIL had not turned into the MIL from hell!!!
I's sure D25 will help you choose a tasteful tatoo - just remember that it will be there for the rest of you life!!!!
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
My bother in arms -- gallant hunter of your wife's heart.
You are doing fine. Good work.
It's seems right now you are very fragile. You are teetering between detatching and chasing her.
She's not going anywhere. Your chasing will push her out the door.
The key in the LRT and detaching is not to try and trick her. They key is to get yourself to a point in your life where you don't really need her and you stop living in fear. When that happens -- then you can start REALLY living: with passion, open-ness, joy and purpose. That, my friend is attractive to any woman. Maybe it will be attractive to your wife.
The deeper question is: what kind of man do YOU want to be? Look at your life in the mirror and ask yourself the hard questions:
1. What do I want? 2. What is the purpose of my life? 3. Am I just getting by in my career or am I thriving and making a difference? 4. Do I have loyal male friends in my life who will challenge me and help me to live with passion? 5. What spiritual disciplines am I pursuing? 6. What am I doing tht brings me joy? 7. What hobbies will really stretch me and really gratify me?
I'm asking myself these questions now. Join me in becoming more of man who lived with passion.
My thoughts:
1. Don't send the letter. It's dripping with, "please, please, please come back to me." 2. Get her a small anniversary gift because it's who YOU are: a thoughtful gentleman. Skip the card. Have her look into your clear, purposeful eyes -- that's the card she needs to learn to read. 3. Don't take this the wrong way: real men don't ask their wives for advice on what kind of tattoo to get. It shows weakness. At this stage, it will turn her off if you ask her for this kind of advice. At the early stages of DB activities I made the mistake of asking my wife for advice on things: she interpreted this as weakness and said things like, "Can't you make your own decisions?" Remember, the sexual polarity may be off kilter in your marriage now. She's taking on an assertive, "I don't need anyone's advice" kind of persona. Your re-masculinization might prove attractive to her. Find some other women to get advice if you must. What do YOU want for a tatto? What do you want to say about yourself? WHO ARE you? It's a permanent mark. It should speak clearly about you. I don't know -- I'm thinking more "warrior-male" than nice decoration. DO you casually, permanently mark your body unless the mark really MEANS something? When I was 14, I took an intense form of Okinawan Karate. One of the black belts has the Okinawan Karate symbol tatooed on his forearm. That says something to me. Nicer than just a floral arrangement. If I ever got one, it might be a Celtic Cross.
The reason my wife strayed is because I lost myself. I was a depressed, emotionally shut down, indecisive man who was floundering in his career. I was a sweet, warm, nice guy. I'm very funny and really smart. But my wife already has several girlfriends, she doesn't need me to be one.
This might confirm my thoughts on the sexual polarity issue.
Let me take a crazy stab at this again:
Sounds like you need to get your career together. It's integral to our manhood.
So rather than fret about your marriage: get your sh*t together.
Several months ago I called a successful divorce buster named Frank_D. He asked me lots of questions and listened to me talk for 30 minutes. I'll remember to this day what he said to me:
1. Your wife is bored with you. I'm already bored by speaking with you. You've lost your passion for life. 2. You are floundering in your career. 3. Get your sh*t together. No excuses. As an experiment, go DO something you didn't think you could do to prove to yourself you have what it takes. 4. Become a leader. 5. He asked me, "Do you, at the age of 70 want to be broke, alone and bitter?" If not then DO something about it.
Husband. You can't change your wife. You can't really save your marriage. You CAN become the kind of person that you dream of being. Then, all kinds of people will be attracted to you -- maybe even your wife.
Let me confess: my weakness, fear and indecision are nauseating to my wife.
I offer this to you humbly. I struggle with this to.
As far as the tattoo. definately don't ask your wife, and i wouldn't go pick one out. Do something that is unique to you and your passions and things that have meaning to you.
You have 3 children, i would work that into your tattoo. Make it tell a story or be a conversation piece that you would be proud to be asked about and to tell people about.
