Hey Bit, I read your email and caught up on your thread. Sorry it took so long, just got back from Scotland lat night.
Look, I want to share with you one thing. If you read back through my sitch you will see that my Wife and I had a similar experience. She showed that she wanted to try and we headed down that road. Now where we went wrong is that I pushed to hard. It does take an extreme amount of patience to do this my friend.
You have gotten the answer that you were looking for, she does want to try and is not ready to give up, isn't that what is really important here? So now it's about making it easier for her. You must be her "friend" for now and show her that you want to reestablish that friendship first.
My suggestion, sit down with her and talk about friendship. Let her know that your marriage is important enough to you that you want to reconnect on that level first and see where it goes from there.
Jazz is right, she is in the drivers seat and you need to tell her that. You need to let her know that she is driving, that she must make the efforts to be your friend and that friendship works both ways. Allow her to set the pace while still showing that you are fine without her.
Don't sweat the big stuff buddy, look at the small markers that matter. Just the fact that she showed you she does not want your marriage to end yet should give you some of that needed strength to continue on.
thanks for the input guys i really need the support now so i don't screw this up. very positive progress was made and i need to stay upbeat about it. the fact that she would even admit to being confused is earth shattering for her. if she has just shown it then she has probably been feeling it for quite sometime.
catfan, i have to send the sep. papers. i am trying to buy more property and open up another business and can't risk having her be able to be a part of it although she says that is not her intention. patience is the key. i just want to call her right now but she needs to as jazz says Drive.
789 your right i have to appreciate what has happened, before this i would have been thrilled to know i had a day like that on the horizon.
ian, thanks buddy how was the trip? i also believe friendship is the key. when she showed the emotion the other day and we kissed i just wanted to stay on that path but i need to take a step back as well. i need her to know that i am not sure if i can commit to us either.(which is the truth, i have some serious doubts as well) your advice has been great and listening to it has def. helped my cause. the staying dark was huge, she said she has been wanting to talk for a while, i guess talking to family and friends was her way of testing the waters to see if it was ok. its funny every time i say i need to talk it sends her into a emotion mess, she doesn't want a divorce, that is obvious i think it is just a matter of her getting comfortable enough with herself to take that chance.
i was just thinking. one thing my wife said after we went out the other night is she didn't know if she felt a connection when we had dinner. my thought is of course you didn't. we have been sep. for 7 months, have not seen eachother in two months, and have not spoken in 6 weeks, our first time together (altough that afternoon when there was no time to think was very natural)is not going to feel perfect. my brother in law said to her it is not going to fit like a well worn glove, you have to break it in again. i don't know what her expectations were but the more emotional and tougher your break up is the harder it is going to be to be relaxed right away..
i have not talked to her since sat. figured i would give her a couple of days to digest everything. i am learning when they put there wall up your wasting your time.
talked to her yesterday. of course i did the calling to invite her to stop by for my moms bday party. the next goal is to get her to start initiating some of the contact and some of the get togethers. how do i do this? back off? the anniversary of her dads death is on thurs. so i will def. have to call her and see how she is then. after that i may back of for a bit although i am anxious to get out with her. i need some serious help when it comes to pushing the right buttons now. this is where my dbing is going to make or break me.
Hey Bit, just my opinion, but yes make sure you let her know that you recognize the significance of Thursday. Do it in the morning and let her know that you can make yourself avaiable all day if she needs you.
We both know that this played a big role in where she is today.......
terrible back slide today. she came over for my moms bday party and it didn't go well. when leaving she gave me a hug and said she is sorry. then she will go out if i want to but doesn't want to lead me on. f u . don't do me any favors. i had a couple or more then a couple drinks in me and i deff. opened my mouth. i just couldn't take her back tracking on everything that happened last wed. last wed. all happened because she had a bad day at work and was weak.
now what do i run for my life or do i do what i have done and basically what she admitted to last week and realize she says alot of things trying to push me away. she admitted she represses alot and goes into denial. she is as open as one can be one day and now i think she flat out lies to my face a week later. on sat. she was very confused and on wed. all of a sudden she has all the answers. i beginning to look and feel like an idiot for even still being consumed 7 months later with a nut job.
i just can't find anything that gives me a good idea on how a was typically returns.
as i said it really seemed that my R was heading in the right direction with her having a major break down and opening up last wednesday, to the point that i actually recognized my wife. well she was back to normal almost immediatly. then on wed. she comes over with a nice gift for my mother gives me a hug and says i am sorry for stirring the pot for you. then my back slide really began. she looked me dead in the eye and said she doesn't love me when i asked her to. she blamed her whole break down the week before on having a bad day. how can she be so confused one day and be so sure the next is beyond me.
anyway i am looking all over for anything that tells me how a WAS typically comes home. is there trepidation, is there major back offs. no question i pushed her to the point where she ran behind the wall, but i got the impression she really ran this time. i wish when she came over last wed. i would have played it like i didn't give a hoot either way and no matter how she opened up to me i would have been strictly biz trying to get her to sign this damn sep. paper. this could be the backslide that does me in for good and it is my own stinking fault. the worst part is i knew what to do but the fact that i am brutally honest i just could pull off the act i needed.
