well, in reply to your post ... the best thing I beleive we can do is be gentle with ourselves and enjoy this journey fo growht and leanring that we are experiencing. Honestly, I was working on myself a teeny bit before my H left but now I am tearing down the foundation and building things up again... a slow process but its about the process not the goal.
I have to pop over to your thread. How are you???
I have been in a phase of some lurking but mostly a break from the boards.
A lot has happened with me and my R. I turned 37 on the 29th and decided to wear my ring again and chose to hang around in seperationsville for now.
I had an amazing lunch last Weds with my H where i apologized for my anger and such this last year. I did something very unlike me: I opened and and iso making big excuses or blaming I just admitted that I get jealous of all those people that get his time. I said I realized that he had been trying to introduce me to his friends and I just didnt know how to react (he said: "I know") I cant really describe the interaction. We both started to tear up and he just kept whispering "sorry". I kept saying it was ok and I understood that he did what he had to do to take care of himself. I finally said that he does not need to apologize but I accept his apology. There were lots of hugs and kind words... I went into that interaction with no expectations and experienced unconditional love and in return the Universe/God gave me this beautiful response from my H. Wow!
Tonight with my 2 best friends I went to that bar/club where my H spends his Mondays. It was so hard but I did it. (It helped that I had on a new sexy dress and looked pretty darn good! ) My friends were great. My H was all over the place: Introducing me to all his friends as his wife one moment and then the next minute disappearing to the bathroom or something. So , finally, I have been there, met his friends and even met some of the skanky females they know at the bar. Done. Check. I went, I saw , and I left my mark. My bfs both said he looked nad sounded so sad and they also said he is clearly still in love with me.
It was actually good to see his confusion ... it made me realize that that is where he is at and it is pointless to make him out to be some jerko or some victim. Anyway, he kept thanking me for coming. An emotional experience but a good one.
big sigh...
brava
Me: 36 He: 34 no kids Married: 2000 He left: July 05
