Jen Hi!! I need your help so much,thank you for your post!
I felt like crying all day long yesterday. I think I did cry almost all night. I will re read DR as you suggest but will not have time until tonight after my little boy is in bed. I like what your friend said and it does help me to see that maybe all is not lost. I did kind of GAL yesterday I think. I took S to his playgroup even though I really didn't feel like it and when H came home I was in the middle of baking. (Sad things I know but I am a stay at home Mum).
H started a R talk by saying "you look like your struggling to be happy and cheery". (err yes you could say that). I said I didn't understand what was happening or what he was saying and he said he doesn't either. He said he hasn't said he doesn't love me and hasn't said he's leaving. So I asked him what it was he was saying because I didn't understand. He said he can't put his finger on it. Something just clicked on Sunday he says and he knows he loves me but there's just something he can't explain and can't put his finger on what it is. He says when he knows what it is he will come and talk to me about it not just up and leave. He said he's so so sorry I'm in so much pain. I told him I wanted him to just go because I feel like that is what is going to happen shortly and I'd rather just know now. He said he'd sleep on the floor because he didn't have anywhere to go. I said so it is over then and he said I wasn't giving him any choice because I'd just said I wanted him to go. I told him I didn't want that, it is the last thing in the world I want but that when I'm hurt I say these things to maybe try to "frighten" him into snapping out of it. I apologised for it. This morning he woke briefly when I got up to see to S and he looked at me as though he felt sorry for me and held my hand and said "I'm sure it will all be sorted out". I told him last night I didn't think I had the strength to do it again and I was sorry. He says he might come to me and say "I know what it was now and I was just being silly lets forget about it" or he might come to me and say "I know what the problem is now it is this". I know I need to go back to detaching and not trying to work out for him what the problem is but after how beautiful it was a few weeks ago I'm finding it so hard. It is harder than before because it had been awful for a long time but now I know what it can be like I'm terrified of losing it all, of losing him. What do you think? Does it sound bad to you?
