How long does Replay last?

[still hoping]

Thanks to all of you who responded...

Dom: The reason for that statement was to take my responsibilty for the failure of our M, which I have never admitted to him. I know that having him make himself a hot dog for dinner literally once or twice while I had 2 small kids to take care of is not grounds for a D, but looking back, there are times that I could/should have been more attentive to him. Also, in a way, I hope that he will maybe question his current R and see that it's not all that great and he's still the empty shell he was when he left. He certainly does not appear any happier.

IMP: My fave critic. (You're not a C, are you? You should be...) Thanks for taking the time to look back through my sitch. Honestly, I haven't really considered him not letting me take the kids because he's accepted that it could happen and in an old letter said that that was what was hurting him the most. Legally, I don't think there are laws here that would forbid it, should I get custody (which, after consulting a lawyer, I would most definitely, since I am the sole caregiver). As for a response from him, I'm not expecting anything. Maybe a little bit of him going deeper in to the tunnel, if anything.

My son doesn't want to leave because, well, besides being 5, this is the only life he knows. He loves his life here and is a pretty sensitive guy who doesn't easily adapt to change. When I spoke to him about it the other night, I said that I feel bad about leaving because it will make one set of grandparents (my parents) very happy that we will be living closer to them, but make his other grandparents very sad that we are leaving. S5 said "What about Daddy? I think Daddy will be sad." He adores his dad and believes his every lie. He's perfectly happy at home with me, but can't wait for Saturday to come to spend the weekend at his grandma's house with his cousins and dad, which he does every week.

I am absolutley not leaving out of fear (is that what you meant?). Actually, I'm still trying to figure out why you would ask that (is there something deeper that I'm not seeing?). I will be several countries away, but about 5-6 hours by plane (and a visa) in a country where H doesn't speak the language. The main reason I'm leaving is to be financially responsible for myself (ok, with the help of my parents) rather than feeling like I am living under H and H's family. Also, I have very few good friends here anymore. Too much has been revealed to me about the events surrounding my H's A. Friends' H's were also admittedly involved in their own A's and I am having a hard time listening to my friends' (mostly my best friend's) thoughts and comments on what I should do when she herself is totally clueless about her H's A's (yes, plural). Last week's comment was something about "seeing the signs" and the other day it was "why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?". Understandably, she is trying to help the best way she knows how, but is completely naive.

Anyway, a lot of my time here is spent with his family because they help me watch the kids when I am at work and always welcome me for dinner. I admit, I do hang out at the house too much (H is not there except on weekends), but I enjoy having people to share my kids with. The family has so many issues that I don't understand and are very secretive with each other. I end up getting hurt by feeling they are not telling me things, although I know their intentions are not to hurt me. They just have a very strange way of dealing with things and are notorious for avoiding issues. I don't want my boys to grow up that way. On top of that, H's restaurant is closing and now BIL (H's sister's H) has borrowed money from his own father to turn the restaurant around. According to H, H will have nothing to do with it. According to SIL, H does have something to do with it and has shares in the company. Undoubtedly, H will convince BIL to keep his skank employed so that she can retain her work permit and stay in the country. In the end, no matter what she did before being saved by H, H is their blood and his family will accept her.

The only reason I can think of to stay would be to have an easy life - pretty much be a "kept" woman by H's family. It's just not me.

So this was a little longer than I planned, but it's helped me... sorry, no time to proof read either...