As usual, the nervousness of the anticipation of the date was much worse than the actuality. Apparently I just have a way of doing that. It was one of those times where time seemed to just fly by, had barely gotten through half my list of topics when the waitress was asking ab out dessert. We got drinks and ended up talking for two hours more. A lot of hand holding, eye gazing (pupils were dialted which from what I read means shes interested). In the end, as anticipated, no commitments or promises but do know she cares deeply for me and with her, she takes a lot of time to process things so know she is thinking about the possibility of an us in the future. Highlights: she finally admitted to having an extramarital affair while we were still living together and that she would not taking me to court for more parental time with the boys. Low point: she felt the need to point out the circumstances of precisely when the EA began which I didn't want to hear. Of course it was my fault because according to her, we were at a bar or a party and her girlfriend said something like, "let's go downtown and dance/party" she wanted to and I said I didn't and om who was also there said "I'll go!" and from there they started making plans to cheat on me and his w (now xw). Like all I had to do was say OK, I'll go and this never would have happened, riiiight, that's a load of BS. Maybe would have fallen for that "my fault" stuff months ago but not anymore. Just an excuse to break the M vows.
Anyway, kept things positive throughout, mostly cheery which I'm now convinced is the way to go in the future. Am going to back off now and see for a while what she does. She still is talking about coming to NJ to help us set up household, may take me up on my offer to travel to Spain as a 25th anniversary (I know, I know) gift. We met there and I'd been planning this trip since the 20th anniv so why not see about going through with it?
That's about it, we are all (xw,D19,S14,S16,me) going river rafting through the Royal Gorge this week but no other plans to see her until the trip to the airport next Monday. Suppose still somewhat in limbo but today it doesn't seem to be bothering me all that much. So did I get what I needed out of this date? I think so, there were times in the discussion where things we talked about brought some closure to questions I'd had and also see that her attitude is coming around to the new me. As always, thanks for the support. RJ
