would like some advice

[light switch]

I have never done this before please bare with me.

I have been married for 16 years, we will both be 37 this year. We have 4 children and are going to be grandparents this month. We love our kids!


Firts of all I am ashamed of what I have done in the past. I admit it and know I can't change the past and I can do things the right way in the future. Can't blame anyone for not wanting to help.
I have been unfaithful w/2 different women in my marrage. The first was a bar thing and after I got attached I told my wife I wanted to leave. I left for a day and returned the next, because I thought it was wrong. We talked about everything and life was good, seemed great to be together again, seemed to have a renued interest in each other. The second was a co-worker years later. Started out just talking, then talking about everything. I think she was planting a seed. I think I then started to sabotage my relationship because I was thinking of this slut. I let my wife think it was her, I didn't tell. Did I mention how ashamed I am? She finally found out, I moved in with a friend for a couple of days. Then I went back to my wife, she wanted me back after our long heartfelt conversation. I quit my job went somewhere that had rotating shifts for a year. Shift work is hard on a family. So I went back to my old job. I started seeing her after a month or two. Did I mention how ashamed I am? My wife found out and said if that's what you want then go. I moved in with a different friend for about 3 weeks. Stopped seeing other woman, ended it the right way this time. I was talking to my wife trying to figure this out, we were getting back together. Then she started seeing a guy she met in the bar, for about a week, until I convinced her I was the one for her and could give her what she needs for the rest of my life. She quit seeing him. That was almost 3 years ago. I thought things where ok. She would tell me I wasn't doing enough about every few months. All I ever did was the regular stuff: call her from work, dates every week or every other, I always told her how much I love her, and always told her how beautiful she was. She didn't believe me. I let work and projects around home get in the way me doing things for her.
About three months ago I came downstairs and she was getting ready in bathroom the computer had some messenger open that said "by babe" and has his name on it. She was talking to someone on the internet. She said it's just friends and I said it's marrage threatening and needs to stop. Month later she told me she had stopped for a short time but started again. This is something she has to do. She has to see it through. She wants me out but I won't go. My councelor says that's the first step to divorce. I sleep in the spare room. Now, after large phone bills and stuff she is going to meet this guy July 10th he is coming half way across the country to see her. She barely gives me the time of day. I did all the wrong things(pre Divorce Remedy) notes, poems, cards, emails, even $100 flowers on our anniversary last month.
I have little hope. Divorce Remedy gives me a little more hope. Trying 180 right now. She actually said I seemed better lately.

In my heart I know I can prove my love for her is real. Putting what's important to me first, I know she would feel it.
I realized what is important to me and know it can't be taken for granted.
I wish my light switch would have turned on sooner, it could be to late.

Any suggestions?

Thanks for reading.