My W texts me Sunday morning to see what time she should meet. I told her that we will meet at her office at 4:30pm and go from there. (I made a choice to start taking control of things instead of saying, I don’t know, what do you think). I arrived early and she stated that D3 is sleeping and that we should all ride in the car together. I said, sounds great. We get into the car and I prepared myself to be strong, confident, and happy. NO PRESSURE. My W then asks how my mom has been doing. I gave her an update on her progress and what is going on, etc. I make it a point to inform my W that we may be canceling the Disney Cruise and going on a 7 Day Hawaiian Cruise instead. (My W has ALWAYS wanted to go to Hawaii). It is her loss! My W asks how much the tickets are, I told her to not worry about it, I did this for D3 so that she could have a good time. My W stated that she will purchase snacks and pay for parking. I said that is not necessary, yet she insisted. I said, okay. W said that D3 had a good day today watching Twelve Dancing Princesses about 3 times.
We then arrive, D3 is still sleeping and I carry her into the arena. It is so HOT outside, yet I enjoyed every step carrying D3 in my arms. I was walking a few steps ahead of my W. Not consciously doing this, I noticed that I seemed more in control of myself and taking the lead instead of seeming needy. We sit in our seats and I put D3 in between us. D3 didn’t want to sit in her chair and she was fussy. My W then decides to sit in D3’s char and sit next to me. Throughout the show, my W had her leg against my leg and I noticed that she had her head almost on my shoulder for a little bit. I was just being calm and not reading into it too much. After about a half hour, D3 is doing great, enjoying the show, I am being silly, and keeping a smile on my face the entire show. I was really having a good time. My W started to make comments to me about the show and she was laughing a lot. She really had a great time. I was thinking inside of my head that she HAS to see that she can enjoy herself around me and WHY not do more with me. We both had so much fun. During the show, my asked me to take a photo of her and D3, I said sure. Then she asked to take a photo of D3 and I. I had a big smile of confidence and expecting the best. My W has not yet e-mailed the photo to me. Maybe she took the photo to frame it for D3’s bedroom and to give me a copy of the photo. I am sure that she will look at the photo and see D3 and I together and maybe think with her heart and head instead of her emotions and reconsider. Who knows?
W then drops me off at her office to get into my car. I gave D3 a BIG hug and kiss and told her good bye. Thanked my W for going and told her that I had a great time. She said thanks and she had fun too. I then left. I will be going to pick up D3 in less than an hour and I’ll post more on what happens.
I am a little confused. I know that things won’t turn around over night, I really feel that the event yesterday may have planted some positive seeds into our marriage. I could not believe how much my W was laughing and making comments to me. I didn’t want the night to end!
Please provide comments!
Thanks, God Bless
OneWish's Story
"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."
Rock & Roll, O! Way to stay cool, confident, calm, and collected (the 4 C's?), and to not bring up any R talk during the entire day. Bravo!
W made all of those physical moves consciously IMO. She pushes and pulls, and this was a pull. Can't say what you should do about it, but I can suggest keeping the PMA, staying in control of YOU, and leaving the door open for her to make the next move if she wants to reconcile. She has to be overt with this, and not play games like physical contact (a little junior highish, IMO -- and although it is a good sign, she shouldn't be able to rely on it making you grovel at her feet anymore). She does seem like she needs to do some growing up still from what I've seen during the last month.
Glad the day went well for all -- hope it continues as you pick up D3 (my D3 LOVES the 12 Dancing Princesses too!).
Savor it dude. A great night with your D3 and W. Patience, Patience and more Patience.
That is why I was so happy during the circus. It was so much fun being together. It reminded me of old times. I hope that she felt the same way.
I dropped off D3 last night and she said, "Daddy, I want to sing a song to you." This is so weird! The song went something like this, 'Every morning, pretty soon, my daddy will be home living with us and we'll be a happy family'. My jaw dropped. D3 said that she doesn't know the whole song and that mommy is teaching her the song. I don't know what to make of that. I dropped D3 off today and my W seemed very friendly again. Today, my W called me more times than usual. It was for the typical small things about getting D3. She usually would text, but she called like 6 times. Today, should be a good day, I am suppose to hear back on my apartment. I am pretty excited to be moving out into a new environment to clear my head.
Any thoughts?
OneWish's Story
"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."
Can't ask for a better song! If she asks you to come home, what happens about your apartment? Or would they move in with you? Mommy needs to find a way to even out her mood swings.
...... I dropped off D3 last night and she said, "Daddy, I want to sing a song to you." This is so weird! The song went something like this, 'Every morning, pretty soon, my daddy will be home living with us and we'll be a happy family'. My jaw dropped. D3 said that she doesn't know the whole song and that mommy is teaching her the song. I don't know what to make of that. I dropped D3 off today and my W seemed very friendly again. Today, my W called me more times than usual. It was for the typical small things about getting D3. She usually would text, but she called like 6 times. Today, should be a good day, I am suppose to hear back on my apartment. I am pretty excited to be moving out into a new environment to clear my head.
Any thoughts?
Any thoughts? I can't even begin to think! Man, I am so pumped for you right now, I'm up dancing for you, here, dance with me, the song is Canned Heat 7, by Jamiroquai.
Isn't it amazing what kids will say. My D10 is a little songwriter as well, just like her mom. About a month ago she gave me a sticky note and told me to put it in the front of my bible. It was a paragraph she had written titled Believe. Like you, my jaw dropped, I literally stood there with my mouth open reading and for a moment getting a glimpse into the inner workings of this little beauties mind.
Thank God for this OneWish, I know you did, this is a gift bro.
Remember, be cautious. You have already done this once so you are a vet, you have the t-shirt to prove it. Take things slow, don't pressure or chase. Be prepared for the pullback, the test, it's coming and maybe a tougher version this time since you already know the answers to the first version.
Keep with your excitement about the apartment. You know not to make it an 'up yours I'm out of here' thing, make it a next chapter of my life, let's see how it unfolds type thing. Nothing mean or vindictive. It's deeply respectful and courteous. You're honoring her desire for time and space. This is an act of love.
Patience man, patience. (there is that ability to channel Sven again.)
Mommy needs to find a way to even out her mood swings.
No question! I feel like I'M being pulled back and forth just like O! Great stuff, but I hope she isn't teaching this song to D3 just to twist the knife deeper into your heart. If she's teaching D3 this song, she better realize that SHE needs to start working on what SHE can do to make this M better.
Sorry O, but your W seems so intensely manipulative sometimes, I'd just hate to see D3 get pulled into it too. She is just so back and forth with you! Knowing the what I do about her history with this R, I wouldn't doubt that she will not just pull back, but yank back in the not-too-distant future.
Have a game plan and stick to it, like tyler said.
Can't ask for a better song! If she asks you to come home, what happens about your apartment? Or would they move in with you? Mommy needs to find a way to even out her mood swings.
Thanks Sara! She just moved into a new house that she bought. I just signed a 7 month lease. I figured that this would be good for me to get my own place and hopefully WE could work on our marriage and see each other without everyone knowing what is going on. This is a wish.
OneWish's Story
"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."
I just wanted to let you know that I have been thinking about the every other weekend visits for D3 like you suggested and it does make sense for us personally, but I just wonder if it would be hard on her. We can definitely try it out and the paperwork, states that we can always amend things at anytime. Can we start this after her 4th birthday???
I also wanted to mention eating habits for D3. She has gained 5 pounds in the last two months!!! That is a lot for a three year old! So I think that we need to help her make better choices as far as her eating habits. I always keep the low calorie snacks at home and I hope you can try to do the same. Also for meals as far as fast food, try not to let her have as much candy or ice cream, okay? I am trying to do the same and it is so hot, but when it cools off we will be taking walks to the park and of course swimming is great exercise for her. I just want her to be healthy!! Her teeth too…don’t forget to brush her teeth!
Here are a few things that are good to keep that she will eat:
I also want to apologize for saying I hate you. I don’t. I don’t want to be buddies or anything yet, I do have a lot of hard feelings and pain that I am trying to deal with, but we are both adults and I know we are capable of being considerate with each other. We will be able to handle things between the two of us without having to bring attorneys into it or without fighting. I do hope that you are able to make the changes that you desire and I wish the best for you.
Also, I would like to have D3 from noon Saturday, Aug. 4th till the next day. I’m going to have a party for her but I may turn it into a girl’s sleepover that night. So would you mind celebrating her birthday with her the weekend before since her birthday falls during the week???
Thanks, Wife
I don’t know what to make of this letter or how to respond. I am relieved knowing that she is willing to negotiate. I feel like crying and leaving work! I need to BELIEVE
Is there any hope on saving this?
OneWish's Story
"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."
I just wanted to let you know that I have been thinking about the every other weekend visits for D3 like you suggested and it does make sense for us personally, but I just wonder if it would be hard on her. We can definitely try it out and the paperwork, states that we can always amend things at anytime. Can we start this after her 4th birthday???
I also wanted to mention eating habits for D3. She has gained 5 pounds in the last two months!!! That is a lot for a three year old! So I think that we need to help her make better choices as far as her eating habits. I always keep the low calorie snacks at home and I hope you can try to do the same. Also for meals as far as fast food, try not to let her have as much candy or ice cream, okay? I am trying to do the same and it is so hot, but when it cools off we will be taking walks to the park and of course swimming is great exercise for her. I just want her to be healthy!! Her teeth too…don’t forget to brush her teeth!
Here are a few things that are good to keep that she will eat:
I also want to apologize for saying I hate you. I don’t. I don’t want to be buddies or anything yet, I do have a lot of hard feelings and pain that I am trying to deal with, but we are both adults and I know we are capable of being considerate with each other. We will be able to handle things between the two of us without having to bring attorneys into it or without fighting. I do hope that you are able to make the changes that you desire and I wish the best for you.
Also, I would like to have D3 from noon Saturday, Aug. 4th till the next day. I’m going to have a party for her but I may turn it into a girl’s sleepover that night. So would you mind celebrating her birthday with her the weekend before since her birthday falls during the week???
Thanks, Wife
I don’t know what to make of this letter or how to respond. I am relieved knowing that she is willing to negotiate. I feel like crying and leaving work! I need to BELIEVE
Is there any hope on saving this?
OneWish's Story
"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."
