Thanks mopo -- you are the master of good vibes and turning on the PMA! I'll respond to your posts in a little bit, but now want to journal some while it is fresh...
Okay, so I've been following the 48 hr rule regarding S5's comment that "mommy is going to move her stuff in with OM". To think about it still hurts, but my head has taken over for my heart now (thank God!). I know that I won't say anything about it now, as I have reminded myself to ask that wise DBer question, "Is what I'm about to do (or is what I want to do) going to bring me closer to my goals?" That stopped my desire to respond to W dead in its tracks.
So this morning, on my way to the gym to workout, I get there and realize the I missed a call (loud music in the truck) and received a VM. It was from W (funny how I'm not even meaning for her calls to go to VM, she just seems to call lately at bad times). Her tone was friendly, and she asks, "Hey it's me. Can you call me at work when you get this? Thanks. Bye." I could've called then, but I decided to wait until after my workout so I could gather some thoughts about what she might be calling about and how I would respond and how I would talk to her in general.
I called her back an hour and a half later, and when she got on the phone it went like this:
Me: "Hey, just got your message -- what's up?" W: "I was wondering...if you could pay the cricket bill (our cell phones are still on one bill) for this month. I'm pretty much broke until Friday." Me: "Sure, that's fine." W: (continuing to explain/justify) "I have been sick for the last couple weeks and haven't worked that much." Me: "Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry you had to have the kids while you were sick too." (since I was in Hawaii for a week) W: "That's okay." Me. "Are you feeling okay now?" W: "No." Me: "Is it your diabetes? What's wrong?" W: "No (to the diabetes). [Friend from work] has "diagnosed" me with an absess. It started as some little bumps on my nose, but then they turned into some big sores." Me: (very sympathetic) "Ohhh, I'm sorry. That sucks." W: "Yeah. I've got a Dr. appt for tomorrow." Me: "Oh, good. (not sure what else to say) "Man, I'm sorry." W: "It's okay." [pause] Me: "Okay, well I'll go ahead and pay the cricket bill -- that's not a problem." W: "They should've withdrawn it from my checking acct...I mean, I have enough, but I'll just be left with about $40 for the rest of the week." Me: "Don't worry about it -- it's okay. I think that they might still be trying to take it from the old credit card that is expired." W: "I thought I updated that...wait, maaaybeee I didn't. I don't think I did." Me: "Okay, so I'll take care of it in the meantime. How would you like me to do it?" W: "Just call them and do it over the phone. It's due today." Me: "Okay. You're picking up the kids tonight, right?" W: "Yeah." Me: "Okay, just wanted to make sure. Talk to you later." W: "Okay. Bye." Me: (upbeat) "Bye."
So...good friendly conversation (maybe just because she needed something from me!), and I was happy with how I handled it. I even began meeting one of my goals:
Goal #2 -- W will confide in me regarding work-related issues, health issues, and/or family/friend issues. Any issues, I guess. She will also volunteer this info without me asking about it.
Even though I did ask a little bit, I didn't have to push much at all. She didn't have to volunteer the details of her being sick and that she had missed some work over the last few weeks, and what is better is that I a) showed concern, and b) listened and validated her problems. I didn't offer advice or try to figure out why it happened -- I just listened. I guess I did try to fix the billing problem by offering an explanation for why they didn't/couldn't withdraw from her acct, but it seemed to have a positive result, since it dawned on her that this was likely the reason.
So, opinions on the conversation? I think I met a goal here. She was comfortable enough to confide in me about some things
