Introspection, Growth, and Acceptance

[S_O_T_S]

Hello again Dana.

Quoting you in bold, and in case you didn't know, you do have a choice as to the color so long as it's readable.

Then I never let go, never move on, never move forward in my future.

But you know that will happen, since at some point if he doesn't move you will.

Although I have been "moving on" I have still been holding onto this marriage. Until it is completely over, I don't know that I'll be able to move forward regarding building my life, (or searching that out) with someone else.

And there's absolutely nothing wrong with any of that. That's all part of the package that you are WRT commitment, loyalty, beliefs and high moral character?

So then it all comes down to one of a few things happening:

1) He finally files
2) You start to 'move on', perhaps w/ someone else before it's all over
3) You decide to file so you can move on.

I guess what I mean is I have started to envision a future for myself.

Very nice. That's actually a big milestone.

yes, i am worried about carrying the burden for the rest of my life of knowing i ended it and thinking of the "what ifs". i really was hoping and wanting him to be the one to do it since he is the one that has left the marriage and not returned and says he won't.

But he might not, and you have to be prepared to do it. If it's really what you need to do to move on...

What would be the worst that would happen if you did file? Maybe he gets to go around telling everyone it was your decision??? You'd know the truth (about why you did) AND who cares what he or anyone else would think anyway?

I know exactly what you mean (I think I do anyway) about wanting to make them own up to their responsibility for ending your commitment, but yet, at the same time - and you know this already - you can't do that at the expense of watching your life slip away from you...

Alaska (where is that guy anyway) always used to say that last part, and I never beleived him...

i feel like he could carry on like this forever though or until he knows he's ready to marry someone else. i can't do that.... i can't truly move forward with someone else (or even have that possibility in my future) until this marriage is ended.

And again, you know you can't control his actions. And the fact that you're sure about the last sentence is a very good sign... Just means you may not get what you wish for about him taking responsibility for ending it.

I don't know if anything can alleviate that confusion.

Isn't that what we're doing right now? (Hopefully I'm not wasting your time)

My counselor keeps telling me that with time I will be ready to end it.

My IC always told me this too. I never believed it, and never had to find out, but I do know, at the end of it all, I would not have waited around forever.

But that I will have to be the one to do so.

Maybe not, but you do have to accept that as a possibility, as you well know.

I guess I'll just give myself more time. I seem to be getting closer.

Time helps. Lots of perspective w/ time and distance. And the fact that you're asking the question at all means you're closer, right?

Take care,