Introspection, Growth, and Acceptance

[galing]

Dana - I think you really just need to listen to your heart here. As for the dating thing I know that currently I'm just looking to go out and have fun. Make myself feel good and enjoy life. I'm not looking for the physcial side of it...because I'm simply not ready for that yet...but I know I will be at some point as this progresses and I continue to move on with my life.

So what are you looking to get out of dating? Are you really looking for a R or are you just looking to enjoy life again and meet new people? I honestly feel like I've been meeting new people, enjoying life, etc. for months on end. So once I start dating, it will be for fun, but not just fun, it will be in the hopes of finding someone through that fun. I have done a really good job in that field and I continue to. At some point here, I guess I'm looking to free myself up to actually date. I haven't met anyone that I wish to date. But right now I am not even open to it because I am still married. I guess I get and accept that my marriage is over. I want to be married again someday and I want a family someday. I am not saying I need to find that tomorrow, but at some point here, I do need him to end the marriage or I need to do it myself so I have the possibility of a future with someone else.
As for the filing. Again, follow your heart. Will you regret being the one to file or will you look at it as though you made a stand for yourself and did what you wanted. Can you push him to do it? Can you tell him, look you started this and you will finish it and I want you to file by X date...you at least owe me that.

This is your ballgame now Dana, how do you want it to play out?

I'll think about it. I don't have an answer right now. That was the point of my post. ... still thinking. Like everything else lately... it will come with time. I predict that I will be the one to file and it will happen with time. It seems to come up in counseling a lot now. At some point, I will be ready and I won't beat myself up for it but instead will see it as a necesary step, but right now I can't say that yet.