I really think it would help your situation tremendously if your H would get on this sight and read some of these things. I only wish that my W would show about 1/10th of your willingness to give your H the benefit of the doubt and to get things to work in the R.
As far as your husband's actions now being a reaction to your leaving, you are probably right... they are reactionary to your leaving. But try to remember that most men are not in tune with the relationship the same way you are. I know that I did not realize how bad things had become until my W told me that she thought she needed time and space. Up until that point, I just assumed that things would get better eventually, as I never thought that I would have to go one without her. It really hit home and I realized that I better start addressing some of her concerns when she came out with that. It was a real eye opener for me, and I'd be willing to bet that it was for your H also.
I am impressed with both you and your husand's efforts to make things seem normal for your daughter's sake. It is not easy to be able to separate feelings and to act like nothing is wrong when you are in front of her. You should be commended for that. I do see your problem with it giving evidence to your H that things are improving. Tough to deal with that, though short of reminding him that the pleasant interactions are really to ensure that your D's life remains intact and stable. Do you ever have pleasant time together with your H when D is not around?
If you are not ready for dating yet, you should tell him firmly but nicely that you are not ready for that step right now. Something along the lines of "I do want to make this relationship work and am willing to do what I have to to make it work, but I am just not at the point whereby I would be comfortable dating you right now. Please do not take this to mean that I never want to, just that I am not at that point yet." If he has any sense, he should back off with these requests.
Thanks for all of your input on my thread. Your perspective really helps me to digest most of the situations I encounter.
