Had a terrible weekend. H is confused. Doesn't know if he loves me enough for me basically because he hasn't been able to find the right words to say to make me believe what he says about the letter. All my fault, yes I know. All weekend he says he's not sure if he wants to be with me. I cried a lot and could feel my chest tightening in panic but then I managed to calm down and I talked to him calmly about why I had been like I have since I found the letter. How it made me feel, how difficult it was to know what to believe. I also told him how a few weeks ago when it seemed all was wonderful I had been happier than I can remember so I couldn't understand why he now thought he didn't love me enough for me. After this talk he suddenly about turned and said he knows he loves me he's just confused about whether he can give me what I need and doesn't see why he should have to love me in a different love language to what he feels comfortable to. He thinks it means he doesn't love me if what he does doesn't show me.
I just feel so heartbroken and worn out and numb from it all. It feels strange when he hugs me because of what he's said. I don't feel like he loves me now whereas I was sure he did a few weeks ago. He says he isn't back to the beginning feelings wise but probably now feels how he felt about 3 months ago - ie: 3 months into the reconciliation. I feel so crushed by this. I just don't think I can do it all again to make him love me again. Should I even have to do things to make him love me? I just don't know anymore, I'm so tired of it all and just want to be loved and feel secure. He's gone to work and I'm back to thinking he'll come home and say its over. I'm sure I cannot be the only person who has ended up feeling so drained by all this that they cannot go on another day like it. I just need some happiness. I don't know how to get it anymore and am wondering if he is right and he maybe never will love me the same again and then am I just selling myself short?
All my fault, yes I know. 
