Thanks for all your comments Lou - I do find them enlightening and I know you didn't mean it "that way" - I was just bugging you. If posting on here can help even one person, then I guess it has been all worth it right?
Like you said, so many of us can be in the same situation but how we deal with it can be totally different
You are not cold hearted, my H does the same thing. He won't meddle in anyones life, even if they ask his opinion. He prefers to remain neutral
Yes, we will need to eventually move to the "adult level" but the ST wants to deal with the childhood fears and pain first. Then, he said, once those issues have been addressed, coping mechanisms have to be put into place to deal with them on an ongoing basis. We can't live in the past for the rest of our lives, we need to heal our past and move forward but until we do, we will be stuck there dealing with the little hurt child.
One of H's favourite sayings is "life is a learning experience" - I guess right now he is getting more than he bargained for
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
Well, therapy is an art. Knowledge is required, but also skill, finesse, timing, experience, sensitivity, and raw talent.
There are plenty of people who have played the piano for many years, but how many Rubensteins or Van Cliburns are there?
Or translate that to a sports metaphor, if that makes more sense: there are many basketball/baseball/football players, but how many [insert name of star player here] are there?
Most people in their jobs are just average. That's why they call it "average."
You are not cold-hearted; my H does the same thing. He won't meddle in anyone’s life, even if they ask his opinion. He prefers to remain neutral Thank you for the compliment. I know I am not cold hearted in many areas of my life. In fact BB tells me to not care about some things in other people's lives. Also when to mind my own business.
I am different. I will give my opinion if asked. The usual situation is the other person rarely asks. SIL calls me on some business situations when he has a grumpy customer.
We can't live in the past for the rest of our lives, we need to heal our past and move forward but until we do, we will be stuck there dealing with the little hurt child. That sounds like a good way to live.
One of H's favorite sayings is "life is a learning experience" Well that is about my philosophy. I say "be a life long learner." Life feels like a test sometimes. I collect office humor and have a large file of the better stuff.
This job is a test. It is only a test. Had it been an actual job, You would have Received: Decent pay, Raises, Appropriate Vacation, Bonuses, and, Promotions.
[v] I do find them enlightening and I know you didn't mean it "that way" - I was just bugging you.[/b] This grasshopper on my side of the screen, likes to be open and honest and "sometimes" likes to tease. I also know that the person on the other side of the screen likes to do the same, maybe to a different degree. Coordinating my teasing with th OP’s teasing and shifting to another mode like being serious is sometimes a delicate process. I wonder when to tease, to be serious, and wonder when to just keep my mouth closed. Probably that is not much different than most folks.
If posting on here can help even one person, then I guess it has been all worth it right? Same here HW. Especially some of the things "I" think are stupid situations for someone my age to be in. Sometimes I just want to show no matter one's age or maturity, or social, economic status, bad stuff happens. Also, that good things happen and at random times.
Especially some of the things "I" think are stupid situations for someone my age to be in
No such thing Lou, like we said, life is a learning experience. My philosophy is when I stop learning, I might as well be prepared to go on to another world because my time here is finished. I don't ever want to stop learning.
When anyone says to me "this might sound like a stupid question" my response is always the same - "there is no such thing as a stupid question. Not everyone has the same knowledge, asking questions is how we learn. How can learning be "stupid""
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
There are plenty of people who have played the piano for many years, but how many Rubensteins or Van Cliburns are there? Not many Lil. I do have a few of the Rubensteins and Van Cliburns music CDs.
The fact there are a few super performers, does that make what the average person has seem sub-standard or does it inspire some people to do better? Is this difference between average and expert part of the equation of the glass being half full to some people or some people seeing their glass as half empty?
collect office humor and have a large file of the better stuff.
You sound like my H - I think he has more files of the "better stuff" than anything else in his desk. He particularly likes the political cartoons
I tend to save my "better stuff" on the computer, sayings people have sent me over the years - no clutter that way
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
When anyone says to me "this might sound like a stupid question" my response is always the same - "there is no such thing as a stupid question. Not everyone has the same knowledge, asking questions is how we learn. How can learning be "stupid"
Sounds like one of the most valuable lessons I learned in my beginning days of college as a out of work guy with a bad back, who quit high school and was sure he was going to be the laughing stock of the younger class. Guess what? I encountered a professor that explained there was such a thing as a dumb question but if someone didn't know something because of lack of experience or exposure, then there were no dumb questions if we did a little research before hand and didn't find the answers on our own.
I said something to the effect that sure she could say that, she had a PhD. She said she got her PhD one class at a time just like we were doing what ever our goal was. That reading participation and asking reasonable/related questions was part of the experience.
I tell my customers there are no dumb questions when they ask about computers or printers. The only dumb question I can think about is asking the third time where the on/off switch is on the computer. I said just in case you have to ask more than 3X, start pressing anything that looks different and if it looks like it moves.
Yes I have customers calling and asking where the power switch is on their equipment. All in a days work, no biggie.
The only dumb question I can think about is asking the third time where the on/off switch is on the computer
I stand corrected - lol
But, is it stupid or is it just a lack of attention span when they were told the first two times?
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
does that make what the average person has seem sub-standard or does it inspire some people to do better
I think what the average person does is "standard." That's why they call it standard. Standard can be very satisfying.
In our society today, average is thought to be failing. A child who doesn't achieve a career in the NBA, win a Nobel prize, or become an Oscar-winning performer is thought to be a failure. At my bf's daughters' high school, they voted on the valedictorian so no one would feel slighted that someone else got superior grades and they didn't.
Do superstars inspire average people to do better? I don't know. The superstars may discourage people because they know they can never be that good. I guess different people react in different ways.
Anyway, it sounds like they stumbled on a world-class therapist-- even average therapists can accomplish good things for people.
