Love, what is it, is it real, does it matter?

[toughlover]

Dude, things are both completely different than I ever expected yet, in some ways, very much what I expected and hoped for.

Love IS a decision.

This is a dark journey. It's walking through the woods at night with a spouse who is there somewhere, but not there for you at first...which is why you have to be there for you, and realize that it is an opportunity to lose yourself in obedience to God.

You're right...many of these sitch's arise because one or both spouses try to lose themselves in the other...instead of losing themselves in service to the other, or in love for the other. There is a big difference.

We need to love our spouses because of who God is.

Remember, we're kind of at the bottom line here. Lives and futures and families hinge on the choices both spouses make at this point.

And we make those choices feeling like we're in darkness, and in a way we are.

Truthfully, the hardest part of my journey was getting back together, trusting again...getting most of what I wanted. I have that now, but I have to choose every day whether I'm going to get sucked back into the nastiness of the past and let that overwhelm me, or if I'm going to fight through it for my sake, and the sake of my family.

I can tell you that it's a whole lot easier now. That's not because of her, though, that's because of what I chose, and continue to choose, and what God has done.

However, the current success of our marriage, our relationship, and the joy that we've been able to experience IS because we have both chosen that, and God has blessed it.

I read on the Separated board a few weeks ago how they thought the Piecing forum was the "most depressing place" or something. Perhaps they're right, or perhaps they're not happy with the way reality works out: there's no thunderclap, flash of light, instant happiness. The road back is tough and people come here to vent about that.

But those that vent ARE on the road back.

My wife's done right by me. I'm doing right by her. We have a real marriage. We love each other, have fun with each other. Have the same kinds of problems that most married people do. The difference now is in how we handle them with each other.

We're at the one-year mark from when she dropped the bomb. At this time last year I couldn't visualize what our marriage has now become. She'll tell you she couldn't imagine ever being attracted to me again, feeling anything for me at all. I didn't really see it either...but we both did what we knew was right, and it's all come back.

In our case it came back because I made the decision, independent of her, to be the best husband and father I could be regardless of her choice; and I refused to quit on the marriage, but I accepted that she could choose to quit.