OK, tonight you will confess all to the priest and your wife will hear that. Hopefully this will BEGIN to give your wife hope that you are sincere, and not just trying to weasel your way out of this (like every time before).
Regarding marriage counseling, you need to validate your W's feeling that she has done nothing wrong and does not need counseling. Tell her that you need help, and you need W to help the counseler help you. Because you need the counselor to hear the whole story.
Another way to go about this is to get into individual therapy, and then after a few sessions see if the counselor thinks it would be useful to hear from W. Make sure the counselor you choose also does marriage counseling. You might end up alternating solo sessions with couples sessions, or something like that.
After talking to the priest tonight, tell W that you are going to start counseling, and ask her if she thinks individual or marriage counseling would be more useful. Then make an appt ASAP.
