Well my GAL has consisted of dedicated working out sessions 3 of biking and 3 of strength training - boy you should see my cut biceps - they are coming back! So physically I am in the best shape possibly ever - had to get 'hardened' somewhere.
I have been reading both self help ("Slowing Down to the speed of Life") and even fun fiction and researching house buying - been fantasizing what I would paint and decorate and landscape.
I have maintained my friendships and have gotten extremely close to three friends and my SIL with all this marriage BS I have been going through.
But that's just it - what do I WANT to do with my life? I realize that I do not need him to be whole - I want a new "US".
But not sure what I want for me. I am thinking of taking a scuba diving class to get certified. My neighbors want to teach me to wind surf and I want to continue roller blading - get the kids into it. But bottom line is I want to be that team with H - is this so wrong? We can NEVER go back to what it was - it has changed to much - but I do believe we can be even better.
I see my C tonight - the kids are actually going to see her - but I will talk with her first. She is not that definitive with her advice though - she felt I should have given up a long time ago and she cannot believe my determination.
I think I am different in a positive way - I do not feel like the doormat willing to take whatever scap H is willing to throw at me. I deserve to be loved and cherished and if he cannot do this for me then we need to end it. I finally am walking the talk - it's only taken 10 mos. but at least I know GET IT!
Theo - you are right about H coming home. As long as he understand my boundaries and can agree to them I feel he should come home. We are leery with the couseling thing do to such poor results with three of them so far... I was thinking of a couples class - PAIRS for one whole Saturday. I feel he will do what I ask of him at this point...
Baby steps for me! Thanks for your input Theo! Take some of your own advice too dude!
HB
Me41 H44 * M16 yrs * D13 S10 8/06 H wants a D * 1/07 OW Truth 2/07 Searated * 7/07 H moved home First Thread Surviving Separation Now Piecing
