On a side note, my mil says that my sil says the OW is someone that everyone hates.
Isn't it odd that they go for these despicable women. My H's Ow sil and mother say the same things about ow. That she's a HUGE B! Her own mother even called her a whore. Nice family.
I'm starting to feel the same way as you and thinkng that my H cannot/does not want to be the man that I want/need.
It did feel great to be on vacation. It gave me a chance to remove myself from my sitch and still realize that I am a friendly, beautiful woman who has a lot to offer. I can still be a great person without my H and life does go on, it just isn't the life that I planned.
Yeah, it's disappointing that our H's find women like this, and then leave us for them. I think that my H wanted someone that was inferior to him, so he could look great. OW is inferior to him and a b$tch. Sounds like a real winner, huh? She won't be through with him until she completely destroys his life. She's destroying my life with my H, but she is not going to destroy my life. I'm a better person than that.
Does anyone know if I can call his attorney to get the status of the D papers? First of all, is it allowed and second, is it a bad idea? Thanks!
Glad to hear that the vaca was fun....it was a well deserved and needed break for you. I think you eluded to this in your post, but if I where you I would make you H communicate to you through your L. You do not have to be mean, but if he calls.... do not answer, if he emails...do not read and hit the delete key, if he shows up to your house....open a window and tell him to talk to your L.....Just do not get sucked into his mess anymore, you do not deserve the headache...
Quote:
Eventually, I hope that I will find a man that appreciates me for who I am and loves only me.
From what I have read you have a heart of gold and any man would be lucky to be with you. You will not end up alone...some lucky man will have the privilege of loving and cherishing you. Keep your head held high.
From what I have read you have a heart of gold and any man would be lucky to be with you. You will not end up alone...some lucky man will have the privilege of loving and cherishing you. Keep your head held high.
Thanks ERC. I really appreciate your kind words. You always make me feel a lot better. I do think that I am a good person, but my H makes me second guess myself everyday. He has left me for this homewrecker when I am the one that was willing to stand by his side through all of this. Sure I have my moments when I just can't take his disrespectful behavior, but I have taken the high road and I do hope it pays off.
Does anyone know if I can call his attorney to get the status of the D papers? First of all, is it allowed and second, is it a bad idea?
Yes, it's allowed.
Once you have an attorney, they will be doing this on a regular basis. For now, you represent yourself. If you are unsure of whether a Complaint for Divorce has been filed, his attorney's office is the place to ask. If it has been filed, you should have been served, unless it was in the last few days.
If it has not been filed, then it was just a draft, and since it is six months old, you might as well not worry about it. Go ahead and get your own attorney and file yourself. You are the injured party here and you are the one with the most to lose by delaying. You can't wait for him--he may let things go until he has sucked everything he can out of the marriage (and the barn).
As for whether you SHOULD contact his L, maybe not. If you call, they may inform their client, and he will be forewarned that you are perhaps planning to file. Since you need an attorney anyway, get one first and have him contact the other attorney if he thinks it is wise, vs filing first.
Thanks Mike. I was assuming that this may be the answer. I think that I will hold off on contacting his attorney. I'm about 90% sure that he didn't. He is living in denial, that would be too much reality for him. I guess I was still living in a dream world. I was hoping that he would just get the papers changed to the way that we agreed on and file, but why would he do that, he doesn't even want a D? Right now, he is living his life like he isn't married anyway, so why would he rush the D. I guess that I just need to suck it up and find an attorney to see what my options are. I have put this off long enough and this marriage is over, so I am just hurting myself at this point. I did put together the numbers and rough split that I am asking for is 62/38. I need to talk to an attorney to see if they think that the split is feasible given our situation or if I need to offer him more, so we can try and settle out of court. I think that my H may back down real quick if I take action.
If it has not been filed, then it was just a draft, and since it is six months old, you might as well not worry about it.
Mike, I was wondering if the papers that he had would still be valid given that they were drawn up in December and never filed. What is the six month time frame that you are referring to? Also, the original papers are not good because my H put the wrong marriage date on them, so I know that they will not be accepted by any court. He also moved out of the state in January, but didn't change his permanent residence until April. He now lives in Missouri. I still live in Illinois. Do you know how that would affect the papers?
Feeling frustrated and alone today. Still never heard from H. I am starting to feel like I can't trust anyone and that I am a prisoner in my own life. I guess no matter what happens, a lot of my ils will make me out to be the bad guy based on what H has told them. My fil actually told my sil that he thinks that this is all going to come down to money for me. This has nothing to do with money, but with broken marriage vows and protecting myself. Did he forget that his son has been carrying on an affair for 8 months, living with OW for 6, and taken no responsibility for his life for the entire time? It is about his son abandoning me and me picking up the pieces of my broken heart and life while covering his a$$. If I wanted to try and take my H for everything, I would get myself a kick a$$ attorney and never look back. I have held on for 8 long months with the hopes of reconciling, and now I am the one that is out for money. At this point, everyone treats it like we aren't married. It is so disappointing to see people I thought had morals go along with this charade because they don't want my H mad at them.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
My point about the papers is that it is just a draft, just like an old draft of a college term paper. It is only of use to reduce the cost to your H if he continues with the same attorney. Not likely if he's in a different state. There are enough problems with it that you might as well start fresh.
At some point he will have residency in IA for the purpose of filing. That may not be to your advantage based on the differences in the state laws--I don't know. You can only file in IL. You need to do so ASAP in order to keep the ball in your "court."
Regarding the in-laws, the best thing you can do is ignore them. Luckily since you have no kids, they will be out of your life once he is. You know the truth, and so do they, but blood is thicker than water. Rather than try to get on their good side or explaining too much, just look them in the eye and say:
"Don't make me out to be the bad guy here. Your son is an adulterer--end of story."
If you want you can add that you are doing them all a favor, since once you divorce him, he'll be demoted to 'fornicator.'
