Well, ERC, leave it to me to pick out the financial rather than emotional points in your posts:
You should not end up paying very much in CS if you have joint custody. If you were in Michigan, the maximum total budget for child support for 2 children is under $1500. That's what you would pay if W got full custody and could not work. Now, assuming that you make 2X what she would (both full-time), you would put $1000 in and she puts $500 in. Then you each get $750 out. So net, you would pay her $250 per month.
And don't you dare let W get away with working part-time and getting extra CS to make up for it. The calculations need to be made on her working 40 hr/week. If she can't afford to live on the net CS and part-time work, then she will have to work more shifts.
