Because the balancing act of which you speak is so important.
How to prefer without wanting? Tough question. I'm working on it myself. I ask myself, if I just met her, saw her walking by, would I still be interested? Hard to say. (Obviously what is good for the goose is good for the gander, yet in most of our situations our WAS has made it clear they aren't interested).
My W is by most accounts beautiful. Co-workers, friends and associates always comment on that. Yet, I see her naked. Not that it is horrific, but 4 kids do a lot of damage to a womans body. She also gained almost 80 pounds during her last pregnancy, it was a tough one. I'm being honest here. It's necessary. I thought about it yesterday, she was laying out on our deck tanning. At that moment, not the most flattering angle, I thought, if I met her right now, I probably wouldn't be interested, just from a physical POV.
It was enlightening to say the least. I did feel a twinge of guilt for thinking that way. I realized, there is a delicate balance to be walked in detaching, leaving behind the need for someone and instead prefering.
My story is long and complicated, just do a search on my name, it's a wild ride.
