OneWish, You know what you have to do. Agree, stop pursuing, chasing, even wanting, GAL and act as if you're happy until it is no longer an act.
Arguing with her about Retro-VI, or dialoguing is just reinforcing her belief that you want something she doesn't, making you an adversary.
The interactions in front of her support group, that's most likely what the other women in her office are, is to be expected. My W responds in a similar fashion when she has been around her divorced friend. Its a big up yours to tyler, then a few hours later, with no friend around it's all friends, peace and harmony. I know that sucks and it is confusing. Yet it's what they do. They are dealing with you in front of the people they have probably bitched the most to about you. They told their support group how much they just want out, how bad you are, and the group said, "yeah, get rid of him, life is so great over here with us". Misery loves company. So you show up and now it's on. She has to roll with it, she and her support group already wrote the script for this interaction long before you got there. One night W and I were supposed to go to a movie together. I was working until 10 so W calls and says, "hey, L is wants to go to Fridays and have a drink, we will still go to the movie but I thought since you're working you wouldn't mind". Sure, no problem. I get home after work, get ready to go to the movies, W comes in after having a drink with L, L is in my living room with W. It's on. Total bitch attitude, I'm totally dazed and confused. I haven't even said boo at this point. You know what it was? They spent whatever amount of time talking about how much it sucks to live with tyler, then they show up at my house, and how does W act like she wants, and planned to spend time with tyler after talking about how much it sucks? Script was already written for that night. Here is the confusing part. We went to the movies anyway, an hour later W is nice again. WTF?? Just keep reminding yourself, nothing they say, 1/2 of what they do. It's the only way it makes any kind of sense.
So screw their little gig all up. Agree. Don't question. Just agree. That messes everything up. They needed the drama to reinforce everything they just said or was said to them. All men are dicks about _______. That's just how they are going to be now that you want a divorce, want to be empowered, blah, blah, blah. So you agree, are nice, happy, upbeat and extrememly positive. You find the up side to everything. Now what? They walk away dazed, their support network is saying to themselves, I wish I had a guy like that. The whole gig is shot. Yes it sucks. Your insides are shredded and you're scared to death that agreeing and being nice is just going to make it easier for her to pursue the D, but you don't let it show. Never let them see you sweat? Hell, there are times I'm afraid the are going to see my peeing my pants as I smile and say, "that sounds great".
You did okay dealing with signing the papers, just say I'll have to take some more time to read through them. The visitation issues? Don't. All that happened there was once again you reinforced to her, and her support group that probably got an ear full as soon as you left, that you are an adversary and never want what she wants.., in so many words. Visitation is something that will be settled by attorneys, as will everything else if it goes that route. So don't discuss it. Tell her it's a lot to think about and such emotionally charged issues like visitation really should be examined when your head is clear and under the advice of counsel. End of fight. You're not signing anything or committing to anything, yet you're not fighting her either. You just need time to think.
Just be patient dude. Give her time and space. Don't disagree, this gives her and her support nothing to feed the negativity.
I'll post more after you share how it went at the circus.
