I have a hard time sometimes with this detach stuff. I wash the dishes because I don't like dirty dishes. If I see clean clothes in the basket an I have time I fold them. (I kindof like it. It is a job you don't have to think about). I vacume and do house work if I have the time.So I don't know if she apriciates or expects it. I do know one thing. It is one less thing she can complain about. Hey you all will be proud of me. I complimented the W on her cooking. I said she must use a low heat when frying because it just kind of sizzels and hardly any splatter. She said: "you use too high of a heat that's why you always make a greesy mess on the stove" I didn't say ANYTHING.
I almost said I ALWAYS CLEAN IT UP. But I just smiles and waved.
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Good 180, right? I know H tried and probably succeeded in looking for EVERYTHING, even the smallest things, to find fault in me. One time things were supposedly ok again (we went back & forth numerous times before he finally decided to stay and didn't change his mind again) but I had heated up some chicken and fed the 2 little ones and hadn't gotten the kitchen cleaned up yet and he got all mad b/c he said I wasted about $5 worth of chicken b/c I didn't put it back in the fridge in time. What??!! Anyway, they'll look for anything to justify their thinking, I think. Just hang in there.
I know you are having a hard time w/ the detaching thing. Why don't you stop thinking about it as detaching and try to just start focusing on you and what you can do for yourself right now to make yourself happier as a person rather than focusing so much on the sitch and your wife. I know, I know, easier said than done, but that's what it's all about. You need to get to a point where you are happy w/ you and not basing your happiness on your W or your M. That's when she's going to wake up & smell the coffee!
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
I think my main problem is doing things for others including her makes me happy. I'M a PISCES. So that's what I do I take care of things. I have done a 180 on allot of things. I TRY not to take things personal. I think that is a problem My W has also. One 180 I need to work on is I try not to rock the boat. But I guess sometimes a little turbulence makes for excitement. I know Part of the problems in the past is I didn't push back and gave up too soon on some things. The frustrating thing with my sitch is my W has never mentioned Divorce. She has mentioned she wants to be live like "Room Mates" This was 3 mon/ ago. So she has not left but the door is closed. I KNOW if she would only open it up and let me in we could work through this. I do admit the door was completely closed a few months back. She opened it up a little to go play pool that night. She was there with me but distant. Then when she went to dinner with me she opened the door again. I asked for dinner and dancing, She said how about just dinner. THEN after dinner (without me saying or asking anything) she wanted to stay out a little bit longer. I look at it as I asked for a 10 she said how about a 5 and then gave me a 7. We are making baby steps. Being an emotional kind of guy I take things too personally. For instance she did not get me a Fathers day card. OK she has not always gotten me one. She looks at it as I am not her father. That's fine that's her feelings. I being more emotional get her a mother’s day card. I do this because she is the mother of my children. Neither one of us is right nor wrong is it just the way we look at things. BUT NO I have to take it personal. Ok thanks for making me look back and see we are making progress. Going W D Tuesday to buy watch for Anv.
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
My H is a Pisces too. I'm an Aries -- redhead & an Aries
Last edited by Cadesmom34; 07/02/0711:42 AM.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Words need not be spoken about the past. I can still see the love we once had for each other in your eyes. There is nothing more in this world that I want other than to start our marriage over again with the woman I love. I know that you are just as scared as I am and you are afraid to take that step. I want for us to forget about the past that brought us the hurt and pain that we caused each other and start all over again. I want you to feel the passion, affection, love, and caring that I have to offer you and that I have never been able to show you. You are very special to me and I don't want to give that up. We need to give this marriage the chance that it never had. I know we can do it if we try. But I need your help and love because I cannot do this on my own. We created a lovely baby made completely out of love, every day I look at him, he reminds me of the love we once held so dear. I think the most important step regarding moving on is to realize that things will never go back to the way they used to be. It takes a special bond and inner strength as a couple to get through this. Neither one of us can do it alone. Meet me half way
Happy anniversary Love always Manuel
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
I know detach detach but I see my sitch as we are in the same house, NO mention of divorce. So the anv. Is a holiday from the detaching, it’s a loop hole in this detaching thing. I'm putting out some bait. If I catch something fine if not then it's back to detaching again.
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Just got a phone call from the W. She is trying to get a reservation at our timeshare in Yosemite for the weekend of the 14TH. She said our son has never been there and he would really like it.
The 14 is our anniversary, Ok she didn’t mention any thing about the anniversary but maybe this is a non threaten way to celebrate?
Husband
Last edited by husband; 07/02/0706:03 PM.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Ok the W called back and we have reservation for the weekend. Me, her S and maybe my D. No mention about the Anniversary. I think my W is not going anywhere at the moment. I think I am in a good place. Do you think what I was going to write in the card may be too much with this turn of events? Don’t want to push too hard. Funny thing when she first told me I was thinking I need a buzz (Vicodin). NO I have not had any in 7 days. This will be the first vacation without any. Kind of scary. So any inputs. What is she trying to say? Do you think we will be just “Room Mates” forever?
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
You may get to a point where you don't want to live as "roommates" anymore and you may need to sit down and talk to her. I am all for the DB'ing stuff, but if nothing seems to be working and you don't seem to be making any progress, you may need to finally just talk to her. BUT maybe the DB'ing IS WORKING and that's why you are making progress, i.e., going on a vacation, etc. and you're just not looking at it the right way.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
