Perfect timing OF. I haven't checked on here in a few days but I needed to check in. I am planning on filing for D but I still have that nagging voice in the back of my head that says, "Just hang in there and one of these days you'll figure out the one thing you can do to get her back."
I'm really quite a mess I suppose. I let her do it to me though. I talked to her tonight again and now that nagging voice is louder. It tells me, "There has to be something you can do by the way she's talking."
So much is always said during these conversations that I forget half of her points. I do remember she complained that I got her absolutely nothing for mother's day. She said if I couldn't afford a card (I literally had $2 to my name on that day) that a hand-written one would have meant more anyway.
I didn't do it, but I wanted to point out that our last two anniversaries she didn't get me a card when I did get her cards. I got squat for father's day too. At least I did tell her happy mother's day. She didn't even acknowledge father's day.
She said when we went out to dinner she was enjoying spending time with me. But then I had to go and start bringing up the past again and make her feel terrible about herself.
D8 asked me last night if W and I were ever going to get divorced. I said, "Probably." She then asked if when someone calls a person their "boyfriend" if it always means "boyfriend" or can it mean a friend who's a boy. I told her "boyfriend" means "boyfriend". She then asked if a person can have a boyfriend and a husband at the same time. I told her, "No, they're not supposed to." I asked her why she was asking and she said she heard W refer to OM as her boyfriend when talking to someone else.
I told W about this and said she may want to talk to D8 about it because she seems to be confused. W said I'm not her husband - I don't tuck her in at night or hold her, etc... I mentioned that I am her husband when it's convenient for her. In fact she scolded me not too long ago for implying that I wasn't her husband if we weren't together.
There really is no winning an argument with her but I keep trying. Even after a "professional" told me I wasn't being irrational and W was, I still don't seem to be able to believe it. W makes me feel like I'm the one who's irrational; she's perfectly OK.
I really think there is something wrong with me. Some of the things that come out of her mouth most people just can't believe she'd say. It's totally irrational to most people (in fact everyone I've talked to). But I seem to be a master at making excuses for her. I know that I just really need to give up; but, I can't seem to do it. I'm so confused I don't know how much longer I can take it.
