Gone Dancin's Dilemma, 2

[Nomopo]

Sorry GD. Forgot to address today's issue. You have to try not to worry about her moving in with him or wedding plans. You don't know what she is thinking and you can't control her. It's hard, I know, but just try to put those thoughts/worries out of your mind.

In our mediation appt in May, W said that she wanted 50% of the house so she could buy a house of her own without having any payments attached to it and so her and the kids would be stable. Now I feel like she is going to use it in her new R with OM so THEY can live comfortably. I feel like calmly asking her to have another mediation appt or to meet with me without the kids around so we can talk.

Where do things stand? Was the mediation not done? Did you sign a binding agreement after the mediation?

I know that I can't control her and her choices

Bingo.

but I can control my choice to give her 50% of the money from the house (those familiar with my story know why).

I am so confused. I thought mediation was over and y'all had reached agreement. How could you go back on this now? Nothing signed yet? If not, sure seems like you could avoid finalizing the D in August.

I feel like putting in some stipulations like 1) money cannot be used to purchase house with anyone's name but W's on it, or 2) money can only be used to purchase house under W's name alone. Does this sound unreasonable, controlling, etc? Should I just say oh well, she can do with it what she wants, and let her and OM live comfortably together at my expense?

It does seem like you are trying to control her. You thought she was entitled to half. Has that changed? Seems to me like she should be able to use that however she chooses.

Aarrgh! I'm so flustered and frustrated right now.

I know. I'm sorry. 48-hour rule.

Please, someone give me an outside view of how I should handle this new knowledge of W's potential intentions to move in with OM.

I don't think it changes anything. Your emotions are flared up, but your logic-based plan is the same. Keep GALing, keep focusing on you, keep DBing (LRT, going dark, maybe a little LL), and investigate your options on slowing down or stopping the 8/16 D. Once your emotions are under control, I think you will see this.

Good night,
Nomopo