The fat lady is warming up.... 2

[MyWifeHasGoneCra]

OMG! Thanks for the laugh. I just about fell out of my chair over the interest rate comment.

I hope you are doing as well as you seem.

[alamogirl]

Hey OldFool,

I think I would also be crying over losing the 4.25% interest rate .

Here's an update: WAH wants me to buy him out of the house (not sure I worded that correctly). The amount (after deductions) comes to $23,845. He also wants some kind of compensation for using his 401K to pay for bills and other stuff while we were still married. He requested $10K. My STBXH took out way more than just $10K, so I guess I should be happy WAH isn't going after my retirement or 401K. If I don't agree and it goes to court, the judge may rule in H's favor and award him 1/2 of my retirement and 401K. It just seems so unfair because he's the one who walked.

My lawyer is going to ask that I pay $20,000 upfront and $13,845 by Jan 08. This is the part I'm not sure I understand, so I need to ask him again, but he said that he was going to word the $13,845 as spousal support so that I could get a break on my income tax. I'm not sure how that works.

I'm going to have to borrow all this money from my 401K. I'll pay it off in 5 years. I can't get a regular loan because of my bankruptcy in 2005. I may be able to get one but at a much higher interest rate.

It's almost over, and I'm looking forward to it. I stumped my WAH this past weekend. We were arguing about whose fault it was, blah blah blah. I said something like, "You didn't want to make it work." He then said, "I know, and I still don't." OUCH! But here's the good part, I replied, "Neither do I...not anymore. I want this over just as bad as you do." I had never said that to him, and he went quiet for a few seconds. Then he abruptly cut the phone call short. BTW, he's the one who called.

Any comments about the monetary portion? Anyone, feel free to jump in :).

All my best,
alamogirl

[OldFool]

MWHGC: Glad I could offer you a laugh. I prefer laughing over crying, myself. I don't know if I'm that good...but I'm OK with where I am and I've accepted my fate (so to speak). I'll be glad when it's all over and I can move beyond the pain. July is going to be a tough month. It's the month we first saw each other socially, it's the month I proposed, and it's the month she began cheating on me. I'll be glad to see it go!

alamogirl: Good to hear from you, I was wondering what was up with you.

You're right about buying out. I'm buying out my STBXW as well. In order to get her off the deed and mortgage, I have to refinance (hence the interest rate comment). When I do, I'll cash out part of the equity (that is, my new mortgage will be for more than I currently owe) and use it to pay off her portion. Here's another way of putting it. The new mortgage will be big enough that the money I get will pay off the current mortgage and with the money left over, pay her. The beauty of it is that I get her out and get to take the interest payments as a tax deduction.

I'm not sure about the $20,000 / $13,845 figured. Because $23,845 is the equity in the house, that's an asset and I think it'd be hard to defend $3,845 of that as "spousal support" in an IRS audit. I could maybe see calling the $10,000 spousal support because it's money that was used at one time...but isn't a tangible asset now. I'd ask a tax person myself. The last thing you need is to get rid of your H only to get hounded by the IRS.

...I replied, "Neither do I...not anymore. I want this over just as bad as you do." I had never said that to him, and he went quiet for a few seconds. Then he abruptly cut the phone call short. BTW, he's the one who called.

Good for you. There comes a time when you have to move on. I'm right there with you. I miss my WAW and wish I could have her back, but I understand that the STBXW is really a different person and I don't want her.

My best to you. Please keep in touch.

[Confused_in_AZ]

OF,

I have been aloof a bit but your interest rate comment is too funny! Searching for a loan right now and I would cry as well.

Hang in there. I felt the same way you do now. Just get it over. Then, after a while, you kind of forget about it. Like the other day would have been my ten year anniversary. Kind of sad, thought about her a few times during the day and that was that. Next month will be the anniversary of my D for a year. Woo! Not sure what I am going to do that day? But once it is over, it is a nice feeling to get that off your plate so to speak.

Al, I believe you are right. The money paid back would be considered an alimony payment but not the equity in the house. I do believe that he will be taxed on that though....not sure. Like OF said, check with an accountant!

[OldFool]

Thanks for dropping in. I wasn't actually trying to be funny when I wrote that, but after reading it again, it is pretty funny (in a gallows humor sort of way). Surely laughter is a merciful gift from God to help us heal.

It'll be nice to be where you are now. You've gotten a year of "firsts" (first holiday alone, first vacation alone, first wedding anniversary that really wasn't, etc.) out of the way. That's been the toughest for me. I do pretty well most of the time, but every now and again, an unexpected first will pop up and hit me right where I live.

You have only one more first. That first anniversary of your D. I guess you could look forward to it in the sense that you'll get it out of the way. However, I understand why you'd look toward it with some trepidation.

Thanks for the words of encouragement.

[alamogirl]

I, too, can't wait until I've been D for a year. I was hoping not to get divorced the same month I got married but I guess in the long run, it will be better to get everything over at once.

My anniversary is 16 Jul. We would have been married 13 years! As it is, we spent our 12-year anniversary separated.

I guess I need to start telling people at work that I'm D so it can stop the weirdness when people ask questions about my spouse. I just don't know how to go about it. I have made some good friends at work even though I try my best to keep co-workers apart from my friends that I've known for a long time.

Any ideas?

About the "so-called" spousal support, the figure is $13K not $3K. My H's portion of the equity is $23K. In addition to the $23K, he wants compensation in the amount of $10K to equal $33K total. What my lawyer wants to do is split the amount...give him $20K up front, and next year starting in Jan 08, give him the remainder, which would be $13K as "spousal support." I don't know if H is going to go for that since he'll have to claim it as income, but my lawyer said that it will be a tax break for me. Sorry, if I wasn't clear on my explanation.

Well, I guess I need to continue doing my chores. Hope you all have a great week...please keep me in your prayers this week. I think this is the week that it will all be over for me.

All my best,
alamogirl

[OldFool]

My anniversary is 16 Jul. We would have been married 13 years! As it is, we spent our 12-year anniversary separated.

My condolences.

I guess I need to start telling people at work that I'm D so it can stop the weirdness when people ask questions about my spouse. I just don't know how to go about it.

I think you should just be honest. You don't have to go into great detail, but just give 'em the facts. If the issue comes up, just say you and your H had been separated for some time, that your H decided he no longer wanted to be married, and that you are now divorced. My guess is that anyone who knows you will immediately think to themselves, "Hmmmm, she's such a great person...he must be an idiot!".

About the "so-called" spousal support, the figure is $13K not $3K. My H's portion of the equity is $23K. In addition to the $23K, he wants compensation in the amount of $10K to equal $33K total. What my lawyer wants to do is split the amount...give him $20K up front, and next year starting in Jan 08, give him the remainder, which would be $13K as "spousal support."

I understood the $13K. My point was that, by your own statement, your attorney is suggesting you count $3K of the $23K that you say is your H's equity in the house as "spousal support" instead ($20K as equity and $13K as support instead of $23K as equity and $10K as support). I am no lawyer or tax accountant, but that little two-step with the $3K doesn't sound quite kosher and I'm not sure how you'd defend calling that $3K of equity "spousal support" in an IRS audit.

Well, I guess I need to continue doing my chores. Hope you all have a great week...please keep me in your prayers this week. I think this is the week that it will all be over for me.

You bet! Good luck.

[alamogirl]

Hey OldFool,

Well, I survived yesterday...16 Jul...my would-have-been 13th wedding anniversary. I started thinking about it on Sunday, and then I couldn't go to sleep. I don't know if it was because of the upcoming "day" or because my dumb boxer got out, and I couldn't find her. Yesterday, I kept very busy at work so I wouldn't have to think. I went to my Weight Watchers meeting later that evening, and toward the end of the meeting, my phone rang. It was the H. I told him that I would call him back. After the meeting, I called him back, and we made small talk. He didn't mention the anniversary date and neither did I. He asked me if I had signed the D papers, and I told him 'no.' Then he asked if I was thinking of renegotiating, and I said 'no, I wanted all this to be over.'

He also asked for items we purchased together...things that I really don't care for, such as the 40" widescreen TV. Other items he requested was our sleep-number bed. I've always hated that bed, but if he wants it, he can have it.

Anyway, H told me that he's living in his car with his son. For a short while, I felt really bad, and then I shook it off. After I finished talking to him, I lost my appetite. It was a pretty lousy day for me but I rose above it. He said that he may move to Dallas. His step-son (son's 1/2 brother) lives over there. Do you want to hear something funny? During the course of our marriage, H often told me that his stepson always said that he would like for the three of them (H, son, and stepson) to live together. He was very disappointed when we got married. Looks like he's going to get his wish. If I didn't know better, I'd say that someone put a hex on us.

I guess I need to talk to my lawyer about the 13K. I don't need the daggum IRS after me. I forgot to ask H what he thought about it. He didn't mention anything.

I still get these crazy thoughts that maybe someday, we can get back together. Am I freakin nuts?

All in all, life is good as crazy as it may sound. I listen to my friend who has problems with her drug-addicted son and my other friend who tends to her Mom who has Alzheimers. Then I think to myself that I don't have it that bad and thank G-d for that. Dealing with a troubled child or elderly parents is a heck of a lot worse than dealing with a WAH.

Well, I am wishing good things for your future and hope all is going well in your life.

All my best,
alamogirl

[alamogirl]

It is done...my divorce was final today, 20 Jul 07.

When the judge granted my divorce, she wished me luck and said to go have a margarita :).

Anyhoo...I'm doing good. I got divorced today knowing that at least, I gave it a shot, and I can live with that.

Let me tell you that this BB has been a great support system for me. Thank you for all your support.

[OldFool]

Well, I survived yesterday...16 Jul...my would-have-been 13th wedding anniversary.

Good for you. I'm not looking forward to what would be my 8th.

Anyway, H told me that he's living in his car with his son. For a short while, I felt really bad, and then I shook it off.

I hear you. My STBXW keeps hinting at problems she's having (off work for three weeks, going to doctor, has to move out of her place, etc.) and there was a time that such things would bother me. However, she's made her own decisions and created the life she is now living. I had no choice in that and if it has turned out poorly for her, it is neither my problem nor my concern.

It was a pretty lousy day for me but I rose above it.

I bet! Sounds like you made it through OK, though.

I still get these crazy thoughts that maybe someday, we can get back together. Am I freakin nuts?

No. In fact, it sometimes happens. But it requires considerable maturity on the part of both individuals and a lot of "growing up" on the part of the WAS...which doesn't often happen.

All in all, life is good as crazy as it may sound. Dealing with a troubled child or elderly parents is a heck of a lot worse than dealing with a WAH.

As they say, if you're wallowing in self-pity and think your life is the worst, you're probably not looking closely enough.

Well, I am wishing good things for your future and hope all is going well in your life.

I remain in limbo. I keep urging my STBXW to agree to a settlement, finish picking up her stuff (what very little is left), and get things rolling. She, however, continues to drag her feet. I can't understand why and my patience is running thin.

It is done...my divorce was final today, 20 Jul 07.

I'm sorry...and happy...for you. It is sad to close the book on what started out as such a promising journey. But it is also a relief to close a book that has caused such pain and now only holds you back from a better tomorrow. I am thinking of you and hoping you are well.

Let me tell you that this BB has been a great support system for me. Thank you for all your support.

I hope you'll still drop in every now and again and let us know how you're doing.