Shocked H in NJ looking for DB help

[Willing NJ H]

Thanks for the info faithful and bit...

I haven't been here for a few days. Had family in from out of state and had D2's birthday party. All went well overall, most of our friends and family still don't know that we are separated. I received my copies of DB and DR three days ago and started reading. This morning, W advised me that she read the first few pages of DR and that it interested her, but that talking or reading about our sitch was uncomfrtable with her and pushed her away some still. I listened, and recommened that if she were going to read anything, start with DB. I let her know that I didn't expect anything, just that DB seemed more appropriate for right now, and changed the subject. She told me that she's seen major changes in me, especially since I started DBing, and that I've changed things as if I knew exactly what she wanted. She said that she feels much more comfortable with me and feels better about ths sitch, but still isn't optimistic quite yet. She's not ready to start doing things together, but wanted to let me know that she sees the changes and really likes what she sees. She also said that a few friends have mentioned "what if it isn't permanent", but that she told them "I know him, if he's changed something about himself then it's permanent because he's that honest with himself."

Well, I'm glad that she's not questioning the sincerity of my changes and that she likes what she sees, and I know it's good progress for only being two months into this whole mess. I felt very good about her positive comments and the possibility of her starting to read DB or DR, but even though it was great news,it felt like a stab in the gut to hear she's "not optimistic yet". She told me that she really thinks we needed this space between us and that she doesn't know what will happen, but that she now knws that "we will both be ok no matter what happens". That hurt like hell too.

All in all, I know this is positive progress and am very happy about that. I mostly listened, talked when appropriate,and didn't react emotionally; but I crashed again after she left for work. I didn't "freak out", but felt very depressed and disappointed. I've since calmed myself and told myself "this is a lonnnnnnng road and it's out of my hands", but man does it feel horrible.

Thans for any advice as always, help me out if you have any tips or have been through this and know how to make it easier.