Well the kids are always perceptive and it is sad they are digesting all of this. Like you said you can't control her. In all honesty I have never been one to openly give, but that seems to be helping me right now, is by just saying here you need this or that. Then again, I didn't give a whole house.
The only thing I think you should do is at least the 48 hour rule, think it over and work through it, both sides of the issue. Remember they are just her intentions, you can always set a plan in place if she acts.
