Character, Faith, and Patience IIII (I think!)

[bambam1970]

Thanks for responding JR2007!

Sometimes I'm just not sure. In my M, I became very wrapped up in my parents the past 7 years. My dad had lung cancer and was sick off and on those years. H is in the medical field and took on a lot of responsibility for my dad. That did hold a lot of stress on him.

H didn't have the best childhood and has always seeked attention for acceptance. We have been together since were 16 years old. I truly have spent a lot of my life "pumping him up". Well, he seemed to get to a point where he needed that constantly. Our M and family became all about him. Our entertainment was going to competitions to watch him (physical endurance kind of thing) for a weekend, our friends were his fellow co-workers and wives (whom I didn't really know or feel comfortable with), socializing was at parties given by his co-workers or some kind of events w/them.

I began to feel like I was not as important. He didn't even know most of the people in my job. I went to Christmas parties etc w/o him b/c he didn't like those people. I didn't really have anything for ME. That's not his fault, it is mine. I simply gave up too much of me thinking I was being a good wife. Actually, I was being a martyr. Resentment came soon after my dad died (about 18 months ago). I didn't have anything left to give. I was broken and lost. And alone.

H struggled w/many issues after dad died. He misses him terribly as they were so close. I was more distant than ever before. He felt abandoned. I had no strength and nothing to give. I should have been in counseling, but didn't recognize it.
He started talking w/someone and that is how it started. He says there was no sex, but who knows? He says he doesn't love her and loves me, but didn't stop talking to her. So, in April I told him that I was done. I didn't want D, but I wanted to be totally separated (he'd moved out about 5 months prior after bomb dropped).

Now, I have bought a new house that I am in process of fixing up to move into w/kids. I've separated our bills and now have my own accounts. I have detached from him in a big way. He told me that he stopped everything w/OW. I thanked him for telling me, but felt no desire to go any further with that. So, we've been "hanging Out" w/the kids some. He calls me often and we chat. He heard that I have a boyfriend (k...I am married!) and that upset him a bit. I told him it wasn't true and he said "It's ok. Whatever."

I am confused on how I feel. I believe that my marriage can be restored if I am patient. But some days I don't know if I have anything left. I'm tired. No different than others here, I know.

Anyway, I was pretty sure it was MLC. Now I'm not so sure. But, I do believe that it doesn't matter what it is labeled, it is what it is for now.

Thanks for letting me ramble! HOpe your Sunday is good!