For one, he isn't ready and two, there's no room for me and S14 in that house anymore.
See, that's what I don't get. An individual DECIDES to be ready, what is the point of waiting indefinitely? Look at it this way, you can start today and say 6 months down the line you're working on things, things are getting good, there is real progress and you're together. Or, you can wait 6 months to start and be apart - what's the point? It's still just 6 months of your life and you can be ahead of the game or just starting. There is no additional benefit to waiting to start - wouldn't you think?
The dance gets to be unproductive at some point, and when there is obvious positive movement in a relationship, what's the point of prolonging the agony? Waiting to see something in you that things will be good forever? Do that TOGETHER!
Where is the logic in staying separated? And I'll tell you what, if I were him and I saw the effort you've put in and if I still loved you, which he says he does, I'd move you back in and space be damned. I'd get bunk beds for the kids and we can pile clothes in the laundry room, or whatever!
Anyway, I know you have a plan and I know you're working it. It's just frustrating to me to see people who love each other prolong a process that has become unnecessary.
Anyway, Good luck Amy, you deserve your happiness!!! Have a great Sunday.
Now see that's where you're wrong. I don't have a "plan". DBing is not about having a "plan" either because to me that just suggests a spirit of manipulation.
If there was ever a "plan" it was that my husband and I both would grow from this experience and eventually find each other again. To a great extent, that has happened, but for you to think he simply has to "decide" is ludicrous after all I have put that man through. Really, we were at a dead end prior to me moving out last December so at best, progress has only been happening for 7 months.
My husband has also been out of work since May due to having surgery on his knee. In addition to all our family stress, he has battled depression and mounting frustration over finances.
With his stress level such as it is now, and mine as it seems to stay, this would not be the ideal time to make ANY decisions regarding our future. There is a time for everything and exactly at the moment we are meant to move forward, we will. The solution is not to cram us all back in that house and hope for the best, though. That would kill us within 3 months.
The biggest problem all across these boards is the lack of patience and understanding of the process most of us have to go through. Bad habits, selfishness and ignorance got the majority of us here. None of that happened over night and it is ridiculous for anyone to think there is a quick fix to the mess we're in.
As far as I myself am concerned, if my husband and I have not crossed that last bridge yet, it is probably because I still have a few more lessons to learn. I don't worry about his lessons. That's the direct result of my faith. I KNOW God is working and I do not need to see it or hear about it in order to sleep at night.
I appreciate your post, JR and the thoughts behind it but I have been at this long enough to have accepted the fact that this journey is not about pleasing me and me getting my way right when I decide how I want it. In fact, that's the very last thing this journey is about. I no longer get excited to "show" my husband the things I have learned. I no longer immediately run to email him about my latest revelation as to how I failed him. Time, JR. Time is what will reveal all that to him and consistency on my part is the key to proving myself to him. It doesn't take effort, either, when the changes are for real. Everytime I have thought he paid me no mind, he himself has shown me otherwise, be it by making me sit down to listen to a song or by a moment in which he chooses to share something with me. Those occasions are what instill patience in me and remind me that THIS is the good fight and I will not give up no matter how many times I consider it and the very last thing I will do is try to rush it. The journey itself, and the lessons along the way, are too precious.
