I had to post,, my H is sleeping and I am up , my kids are awake too. I had a good day overall. MY H did bring home the guy who is my ex GF "BF",, he still works for my H. He also brought the whole crew, we had a BBQ. I was very upset that he brought him . I let it go , but not before my H saw my face , he knew I was angry. I tried not to be but it took over me for a while.
Other than that little glitch that I cannot control.

He is trying very hard to be better with me, he really is. It has taken me ten years to get him back to how he was when I fell in love with him. he still is a work in progress but I will let him keep trying for now. I feel like I have come full circle. Last year at this time I was walking on eggshells letting him have his space and letting him be the one to decide to love me. I was also setting boundaries but I was walking on eggshells too. Last year at this time he wasnt my H , he was but in so many ways he was just lost. I would look at him and actually feel sorry for him. When he talks about our life he actually just leaves out last year like he has amnesia. In a way that reminds me he was really lost. He doesnt act like he is avoiding talking @ it , he actually just doesnt seem to remember. I mostly just let it go , but sometimes I remind him and he is like "OOOOH YEAH?~"

But for the most part I keep my promise, I told him when I discovered the affair that if he chose not to D me and complete;y leave her and commit to me,, which he did. I would never mention it again and we would start from there. that I did not want our old Marriage I would give him a new and better one and a love that he would not be able to walk away from.

I think it scared him or I dunno a beter word for it,, I let him go wished him well and just prayed for a miracle.

I have my Miracle. I have my H . I have what I always wanted and now I am working on his bad personality trait of being mean to me. I know I cannot force him to change but it seems with me being stronger he is realizing what I reaLLY NEED TO SHINE.

I simply cannot live like this, I love him too much and myself to much to live in a M, where I am constantly being criticized.

I know he gets it now finally, but this change will not happen overnite. I am patiently waiting and I will. I must admnit there are times when I get resentful and think why do I have to ?


Why do I have to be so loving,
why do I have to turn the other cheek,
why do I have to keep waiting for my miracle,
why do I have to suffer heartache,



Then I realize because I love him that is why plain and simple. an unconditional love that never waivers, a love that stand strong. I see now that I can love him like that and not have to accept the bad just cause I love him.


He has hurt me so much and last year was the ultimate betrayal.

He "found" her and thought this is the solution to my problem with my WIFE.
MY Wife doesnt do this or this or this and he was infatuated with what he thought she was to him. It hurts me ocassionally still to think about what he did ,, sometimes I stil cry. I must admit, it is a pain that has no description. I cannot even pretend to describe it in words.

How sad for him really to live with the knowledge that he was going to give up the love of his life for a lie. A Woman who had no dignity , no soul , no heart. So desperate that he was willing to give up his children and me and sell his soul to the devil.

I have all those things he thought she could give him. Fun, excitement, lust, something new , and I also haev a soul and dignity and a huge heart. And I give it to himj ecxclusively b/c I am his Wife. Noone can replace the beauty that I have inside and give only to him. As much as it kills me sometimes, I kno whe was suffering too ans she did not replace me in his heart. he tried to pretend she did and he even had ne fooled. But he admitted he never stopped loving me , just my indifference was killing him. So he felt like he had to leave, leaving was the only out, even if it meant losing the love of his life.



and when I filled myself with strength and love for me he started to see who I really was, and although he was scared he took the first step and told me he loved me.

In four weeks it will be a year that we are Reconciled and I have had my personal disasters ( when he hurts me ) and he keeps falling flat on his face but I actually have faith in GOD and I really know in my heart he will one day be well.
He was so beautiful with me today and he really is reaching out to me more. And opening up more, it is a start. No pushing , no forcing. just me standing up for what I believe. In my heart I know this can be so good,, and now that it seems he is more plugged in hopefully the sky is the limit.

It feel good when I have a day where it seems I am not focused on the fact that I really am still piecing and it just seems to flow, and he doesnt know but sometimes when he kisses me it feels so divine,, he chose me and he chose our love. Hopefully he will see who I am and that he could lose me if he does not grow. I will never stop loving him or give up but thanks to you all and your support , I know it is ok to stand up for me. And the best part is now he is ready, cause if he wasnt I would just be talking and he would be looking at me but not really listening.

Little by little step by step my M will get better.
God bless...