We're not going to talk about how many times I got lost and I swear I only cried ONCE! You know, mapquest leaves a LOT of information out...I just want to go on record about that and that's all I'm sayin'.
Went to H's when we got into town. He asked us to stay and watch a movie but I was just too tired.
I'll be back on task tomorrow but for now there's a bubble bath calling my name!
For one, he isn't ready and two, there's no room for me and S14 in that house anymore.
See, that's what I don't get. An individual DECIDES to be ready, what is the point of waiting indefinitely? Look at it this way, you can start today and say 6 months down the line you're working on things, things are getting good, there is real progress and you're together. Or, you can wait 6 months to start and be apart - what's the point? It's still just 6 months of your life and you can be ahead of the game or just starting. There is no additional benefit to waiting to start - wouldn't you think?
The dance gets to be unproductive at some point, and when there is obvious positive movement in a relationship, what's the point of prolonging the agony? Waiting to see something in you that things will be good forever? Do that TOGETHER!
Where is the logic in staying separated? And I'll tell you what, if I were him and I saw the effort you've put in and if I still loved you, which he says he does, I'd move you back in and space be damned. I'd get bunk beds for the kids and we can pile clothes in the laundry room, or whatever!
Anyway, I know you have a plan and I know you're working it. It's just frustrating to me to see people who love each other prolong a process that has become unnecessary.
Anyway, Good luck Amy, you deserve your happiness!!! Have a great Sunday.
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
For one, he isn't ready and two, there's no room for me and S14 in that house anymore.
See, that's what I don't get. An individual DECIDES to be ready, what is the point of waiting indefinitely? Look at it this way, you can start today and say 6 months down the line you're working on things, things are getting good, there is real progress and you're together. Or, you can wait 6 months to start and be apart - what's the point? It's still just 6 months of your life and you can be ahead of the game or just starting. There is no additional benefit to waiting to start - wouldn't you think?
The dance gets to be unproductive at some point, and when there is obvious positive movement in a relationship, what's the point of prolonging the agony? Waiting to see something in you that things will be good forever? Do that TOGETHER!
Where is the logic in staying separated? And I'll tell you what, if I were him and I saw the effort you've put in and if I still loved you, which he says he does, I'd move you back in and space be damned. I'd get bunk beds for the kids and we can pile clothes in the laundry room, or whatever!
Anyway, I know you have a plan and I know you're working it. It's just frustrating to me to see people who love each other prolong a process that has become unnecessary.
Anyway, Good luck Amy, you deserve your happiness!!! Have a great Sunday.
Now see that's where you're wrong. I don't have a "plan". DBing is not about having a "plan" either because to me that just suggests a spirit of manipulation.
If there was ever a "plan" it was that my husband and I both would grow from this experience and eventually find each other again. To a great extent, that has happened, but for you to think he simply has to "decide" is ludicrous after all I have put that man through. Really, we were at a dead end prior to me moving out last December so at best, progress has only been happening for 7 months.
My husband has also been out of work since May due to having surgery on his knee. In addition to all our family stress, he has battled depression and mounting frustration over finances.
With his stress level such as it is now, and mine as it seems to stay, this would not be the ideal time to make ANY decisions regarding our future. There is a time for everything and exactly at the moment we are meant to move forward, we will. The solution is not to cram us all back in that house and hope for the best, though. That would kill us within 3 months.
The biggest problem all across these boards is the lack of patience and understanding of the process most of us have to go through. Bad habits, selfishness and ignorance got the majority of us here. None of that happened over night and it is ridiculous for anyone to think there is a quick fix to the mess we're in.
As far as I myself am concerned, if my husband and I have not crossed that last bridge yet, it is probably because I still have a few more lessons to learn. I don't worry about his lessons. That's the direct result of my faith. I KNOW God is working and I do not need to see it or hear about it in order to sleep at night.
I appreciate your post, JR and the thoughts behind it but I have been at this long enough to have accepted the fact that this journey is not about pleasing me and me getting my way right when I decide how I want it. In fact, that's the very last thing this journey is about. I no longer get excited to "show" my husband the things I have learned. I no longer immediately run to email him about my latest revelation as to how I failed him. Time, JR. Time is what will reveal all that to him and consistency on my part is the key to proving myself to him. It doesn't take effort, either, when the changes are for real. Everytime I have thought he paid me no mind, he himself has shown me otherwise, be it by making me sit down to listen to a song or by a moment in which he chooses to share something with me. Those occasions are what instill patience in me and remind me that THIS is the good fight and I will not give up no matter how many times I consider it and the very last thing I will do is try to rush it. The journey itself, and the lessons along the way, are too precious.
I think you are both right. JR says that separation can lead to an unproductive point. That is true if both parties in the dance are still holding out for something better. I wish we ould convince our lost partners of the value of working it out as a united front under one roof. But Amy is right to be cautious and patient. In the long run, her H can look back and see how faithful she has been. She has been a steadfast and supportive wife through one of the most difficult parts of their marriage. There will come a time you will both reap the benefits of having gone through this.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
If I might chime in... Timing is everything, good and bad. There hasn't been much logic in dealing with raw emotions, so seperation and patience are a necessity. Lord knows I can give many examples of premature reconcilliation, even a few when I stayed away when she wanted me to pursue. These are the reasons for FAITH.
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The solution is not to cram us all back in that house and hope for the best, though. That would kill us within 3 months.
Usually does, and then you're just further away.
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As far as I myself am concerned, if my husband and I have not crossed that last bridge yet, it is probably because I still have a few more lessons to learn. I don't worry about his lessons. That's the direct result of my faith. I KNOW God is working and I do not need to see it or hear about it in order to sleep at night.
Your lessons, maybe? If they're his then he owns them. Could be a third option Amy, you might have more to teach others. Either way it's about being comfortable in our own skins.
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and consistency on my part is the key
That seems to be a key everyone should have, it can open many doors in all aspects of life.
just some thoughts
cire
Me 48 X's vary S 27 S 18 Back with high school sweety after 30 years..
I wish we ould convince our lost partners of the value of working it out as a united front under one roof.
I'd settle just for the united front..separated or not.
H-36 W-38 Married 14yrs Together 17 2 Children (D12, S15) 9/20/05 - Seperated 4/23/07 - Dbomb dropped 4/25/07 - I Love you, not in love "If it's not hard, it's not worth fighting for."
