Is there any hope? Anyone had any success

[HSSweetheart]

I hate to see someone in my situation as I know first hand how awful it feels.

I love your description of a "normal" day now. That is soooo true! I don't know how I am going to be from one minute to the next.

Last night, again, he asked if I thought about what he had said. I said no. He said I need to. I said again, I was in no rush. He said he's had 2 yrs. I bit my tongue. I then asked him if he had scheduled a medical procedure he was supposed to have done I think 2 yrs ago. He said no, he was only worrying about what he felt he needed to. So of course I pointed out that it was something he needed and should worry more about it than all this BS.

One other funny thing, he had schedule a haircut on Fri and missed the appt! The girl called angry and asked him where he was. I laughed to myself that he can't even remember a simple appt without my help.

My H hasn't left yet but when he does he says he wants 50% custody not just weekends. We'll see. He has the kids everyday anyway as he gets out earlier from work than I do. Especially when they are in school I shift my schedule later so I can be home to send them off in the morning.

Keep in touch! I want to hear how it goes for my dopleganger.

[sadhearted]

HSS,

Yeah I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

Well mine was here earlier for about an hour. I saw him for probably 10 minutes of that. He came over to make an order that needed to be done (he owns a business of sorts). He called to ask if he could come then when he got here didn't tell me he was here. I just happened to see his car outside. Well my oldest went out to play and saw that daddy was here. My H eventually came in the house right before he left. Didn't really say much of anything. Then left. I was watching out the window and he stopped to pet the dog and just had this incrediably sad look on his face. I just want to scream see I don't think this is what you really want! He is no happier now then when he was here so I hope he can realize I'm not the full reason he feels miserable.

Yeah mine gets them every other weekend. Although he is about to switch jobs and his new one will be.... right across the street from me. So I figure I'll be getting phone calls during the week asking if he can drop by and say hi to the kids on the way to his place.

I'm trying this whole going dark thing. Let me tell you it stinks. I mean I've been with him for 11 years and to all of a sudden have as little contact as possible....

You can look up my thread in need of help has more info about me. I really hope I can post that we got back together one day. This being apart is horrible and nothing about it feels right.

[HSSweetheart]

I have to agree with you, I don't think the reason they are miserable can totally be attributed to us. They think the world will be such fun then reality sets in. The things we "nagged" about are still there.

Did I tell you mine missed a haircut? Screwed up the appt! I took some pride in that. I didn't remind him as I had nothing to do with the appt. The girl wasn't happy with him when she called. And she isn't even married to him!!!!!

Yesterday was the first day he didn't bring anything up at all! It was a nice day. He and S11 are going to see a ballgame today-I won tickets at work. They have never been to one before. Just a local team. I am busy redoing my whole house. Or at least I have dreams of such, especially now. I need change or there is no way I can look at these walls alone.

[sadhearted]

Mine wasn't the "nagging" it was he felt like he didn't have a partner. That I didn't care. Of course I cared but I also know I didn't show it very well. Since he's still seems to be feeling the same way I hope he realizes it wasn't all me.

Yeah that's pretty funny. Mine cuts his own hair but anytime there was something going on he'd tell me so I'd remember because his memory isn't that great. He'd call me his PDA.

That'll be fun for them. Hope they enjoy it. Yeah I hear ya. I haven't changed anything since he left at first it was hard to look at pics and his stuff but now it's not as bad. I still have my bad days but I also have my okay days mixed in.

[mkultra]

I have one BIG challenge can anyone give me advice on? I am very involved in my kids sports, I am actually a coach on S11's football team. This Sunday is our kick off of the season BBQ get together for all the coachs and kids. Problem is the OM is one of the coaches also. I cannot see myself going to the BBQ now with he and my W there, but I dont want to let my son down.

Do what is in your heart. Don't commit if it is too hard. Ask someone else to coach since your plate is pretty full. That OM sounds like a real jerk if you ask me. He is completely innappropriate. on the other hand, you could coach and act like you are the fun dad. If it were me, I would not want to be arounf them but I would also be tempted to stake my territory and piss all over them. kidding. This OM and your wife are just really innappropriate and now it involves the kids. I guess that is how people meet and get close, but when did it become OK to do that in public. Shouldn't they be ashamed of themselves. I am embarrassd for them. People must be gossipping about them. How sad. If that were my H, I would tell them to stay away. No one will judge you if you make up an excuse.

[mkultra]

Another option is the cold shoulder. Act like you do not know anything about him. Like he is doing you a favor because you are rid of her like you don't give a poop about her anyway. Never mope over her like she is not even worth it. Does that sound harsh?

[Dom R]

Saw this on Jazz's thread...

I want to tell her that but she just told me on Monday to back off her and stop pushing her. I probably could If I knew he was out of the picture. I dont know what to do...

If you havent told her that... i would think that would be a good thing to tell her one time.