Back at It Again III

[OldFool]

I just discovered your old thread had locked up and wanted to check in.

1. She is very hurt by the fact that I said she was an "unfit mother". (Again, not what I said, but that's still what she heard.) But, this is the biggest hurdle for her to overcome out of everything else.

I understand this, but anyone who hangs onto a single event...true or untrue...has other problems. We have all had someone say something bad about or to us in our lives and most of us are not permanently crippled by it. If she can't (or won't) move beyond this one thing, then I think it's an excuse. Rather than admitting she doesn't want to do the hard work required for reconciliation, she points to this as the reason she can't.

3. She said her love for me went away completely when I said she was an "unfit mother" and she can't just turn that back on. She thought I was supposed to be there for her and support her no matter what.

Again with this. See above.

She told me I could date.

To me, this is a red flag. I find it difficult to imagine anyone saying something like this if they had any intention whatsoever of wanting to work things out! More than anything else, this concerns me and were I in your shoes, I'd be wary. That does not mean I think you should date before you are divorced (I don't). It just means that I think right now she is very, very far away from reconciling.

I just think after all this time if she can't decide what she wants then she's never going to.

Probably correct.

Or maybe she is trying to force me to make the decision.

Doubtful.

I no longer have access to her emails and I'll have to admit I wish I did.

It's just as well you don't. There's no need to torture yourself with them. Anyway, do you really think you need to see them to know what's going on?