Living with my WAW 3

[SuperDad]

Dave,
Weird, wild and wacky stuff! All what you can do is detach and get on with your life. She will either follow or move away.
SD

Journaling:
Past few days have been relatively uneventful. After 3 nights in a row of watching Copa America and drinking beer with the guys, I needed a break on Friday, so only went for a short run in the a.m. and made no plans for the evening. I had to take a day trip for work and wasn't sure when I would get home, so in the a.m., I asked W if she would like to order in pizza for dinner. She was happy about this as it makes dinner plans much easier for her (one of my goals also is to initiate ordering in or going out to dinner since this was a point of contention in the past).

I got home relatively early (texted her when I was an hour away from home). She and the kids came in just after I arrived and we ordered pizza. She opened a bottle of wine and we sat together in the living room while the kids played outside. Just a normal, friendly convo. We ate together in the dining room with the kids in the breakfast room watching TV. Put on some music and had a pleasant dinner. Finished off the bottle of wine .

After dinner, I decided to go "welcome the neighbors home from their vacation." To which W replied "Whatever!"

She and they have been rather distant since they found out about her WAW behavior. I went over by myself and their DD6 wanted to play with our S6, so we sent her back to our house. I talked with them for a few minutes, their daughter comes back to get some toys, the W goes over to join my W, and then all of them come back next door. We all sit around and chat, look at pictures from their vacation, etc.

All in all, if you did not know that she was a WAW and living in the guest room, you would think that we were happily married!!

I see a lot of baby steps here:

1. I continue to follow through on my goals, esp. in changing past behavior which caused flare ups in our R.
2. W continues to want to spend time with me, even to the point of coming over to the neighbor's who she has been trying to avoid.
3. I am lovingly detached and it is giving W opportunities to (a) spend some time away from me and (b) pursue me.

Still no hint that she is feeling attracted to me as more than a friend nor that she wants to work on our R, but still good stable times in our household.

A few other points:
1. I met with IC yesterday. He asked me to always look to the simplest possible explanation for W's behavior (i.e. - do not assume that she is doing things to get the edge in a future D, etc. unless this is the simplest explanation).

2. My mom sent W a letter saying that she is sorry that we are having difficult times in our R, but that she appreciates what a good mom (and DIL) my W is and that my parents welcome us all to stay with them when we are in TX. She also offered to take the kids for a while or do anything else that W would like to help out. Not sure if this is a good thing or a bad one. W has not mentioned it, but left out the opened letter with other mail for me to go through.

3. DBing worked great on neighbor's W. When I first showed up, she was venting about how my W is a nut case, that she just needs a dose of reality to wake up, and that she cannot believe that she is living in the guest room. I let her go on for a bit, validated her feelings, and then said that W needs some space and time to work out her issues. She is not trying to hurt anyone and I am happy to be "separated" while living in the same house as my kids. After I showed this support for W, neighbor's W calmed WAY down and a few minutes later went over to our house with her DD. As mentioned above, we all ended up spending an hour or so together after this. AMAZING!!


SD