I was shocked at Retrouvaille when they told us "love is a decision." I thought, no way. But I have come to see that they are right. If you choose to love a person, the love will grow and you will feel the emotion.
I know this sounds silly, but it is true. My daughter brought a puppy home from college. He is a very cute border collie. Then she went to New Zealand for a semester abroad and left the dog with me. I had my own dog who I loved. I really didn't care for her dog. I played with him and fed him, but I didn't feel any love for him. He developed allergies and scratched away most of the fur on his body, and made sores on his skin. He looked terrible and I felt sorry for him. And I thought, this dog needs somebody to love him. But my daughter wouldn't be back for months. So I decided to pretend I loved the dog. I called him over and petted him a lot and told him I loved him. It seemed so difficult, but as the weeks went by it got easier and came naturally. Now I do love her dog and my dog. And he looks a lot better. (I'm pretty sure that my husband did not respond well to hearing me say I loved the dog. That had to be the next decision, and it came later, after we went to Retrouvaille.)
I don't think that head in the clouds love feeling is a decision. I think that really is an emotion -- a passing emotion. And much as we would like to live our lives like that, we can't. Every day can't be our birthday either.
