Sorry I haven't posted lately -- been gone but am now back catching up on everyone.
Sounds like a lot of confusion that you (and likely H) are going through, and I sympathize with you on the frustration that comes along with it. The boundary sitch is tough too, but I think OT makes a pretty good point about what may be necessary. It is all the more difficult when all you want is to be w/ H and make your M a healthy one. When this is the case, it is nearly unbearable to imagine separating or going back to just friends until the contact w/ PW is completely halted. Is this a boundary you're willing to make? I think it's a pretty good one because it doesn't control H, it is about you. Also, it will give you a good idea about where H is in his committment to the M. Are you willing to go to these measures to find out? It is a scary place to be for sure, but it may be that or living with the current sitch indefinitely. What is best for you? It is extremely tough, and I just want you to know you're cared about here for being such a great person that is in such a difficult position.
I do like ST's suggestion to go to PW and set the boundary with her, but this could be dangerous waters to tread in because it may put H in an uncomfortable position. If you could somehow do it without anyone being around (just you and PW), that might work. I like the thought of seeing her squirm... ;).
Great job on letting H know how you're feeling. Stay strong, GAL, be confident, and take on that suggestion of trying to fill the void that H may be getting filling by PW. Have you figured out or thought about what that could be?
