In need of help

[789]

Not sure if I/we are making progress, but I am trying to learn to shut up and not take everything said by her as gospel. Not long ago she could tell me how the weather was and I would try to translate that as good or bad for us, it was killing me. I am slowly getting better at just listening, and thats it, just listening without thinking about it one way or the other. Even with the using of my nickname(only used by her) today, did it feel good to hear, yeah, but that is all I am taking it for, nothing more. 2 months ago if she said it, I would think it was time to jump in bed with her.

[789]

Not sure if I/we are making progress, but I am trying to learn to shut up and not take everything said by her as gospel. Not long ago she could tell me how the weather was and I would try to translate that as good or bad for us, it was killing me. I am slowly getting better at just listening, and thats it, just listening without thinking about it one way or the other. Even with the using of my nickname(only used by her) today, did it feel good to hear, yeah, but that is all I am taking it for, nothing more. 2 months ago if she said it, I would think it was time to jump in bed with her.

[789]

789,
Thanks I know I don't always feel this way just having a lousy night I guess.

We all have them, read my threads, one day I am ready to fly a kite, the next day ready to bury it. You just have to take them as they come and maybe even just try to moderate the feeling so they don't bounce so much one way or the other.

[sadhearted]

Yeah I'm still working on the not taking things as gospel and not trying to read into everything he says. I started reading DR today so hopefully I can put some of it to use.

Yeah my emotions are evened out more now then they were when this first happened which is nice. Sometimes still have my rollercoaster days. Those are exhausting!

Our last conversation felt like I might as well have been beating head against the wall so since then (Monday) I haven't talked to him or been seen online by him. At this stage I figure what's the point. Maybe this way he'll start to wonder what I'm up too. Maybe not but.....

[sadhearted]

And no new frustration and pain is definitely a good thing.

[789]

That is the truth.
Only a week ago I was going nuts, took me this long to figure I was doing nothing but self destructing my moral. Once I figure that out just the other day, I have calmed way down.

[sadhearted]

Sometimes I have to force myself to calm down. But honestly me being all freaked out doesn't do me or my kids any good. So I try to keep that in mind.

[789]

Nope, doesn't do the kids any good.
I can live without my wife, I don't want to but I can. I am probably wrong but it is because I have been married once before and have a 16yr old son and seen how it has been for him. He is well adjusted, straight A student, but still has diffuculties about his mom and I. When my current wife and I split up, his first question to me was if his mother and I could get back together, we have been divorced 12-13 years, it hurt me that he still has that hope. With that marraige she said she wanted a divorce and I said okay and boom it was done.
This time with it all happening again and another son involved, I am approaching it much differently, this time I am fighting for my son and my family. It is much harder than walking like I did last time, so the freaking out does happen, just hide it really well from my youngest.

[sadhearted]

I wish my H had your state of mind. I'm his second wife and he has a 14 yr old son from his first marriage. He knows how that divorce affected his son. I guess I just don't see how he can do it again with 2 more kids. I was there I KNOW how guilty he feels about not being around as much as he'd like for his first son (he lives in FL with his mom) and it just makes no sense to me that he's okay doing it to our kids. He says things like oh their kids they'll be sad for a little bit but they'll get over it. I think he just doesn't want to admit to himself that is so not true. He's just trying rationalize it for his peace of mind. I just want to scream when he says things like that. Obviously I don't.

[789]

My wife also knows this.
Without going into another story, lets just say my current wife babysat for my first wife and I on occasion, no nothing illicit.
She knows how the first divorce affected me even with me just agreeing to it and moving on. We were not dating or anything but because of working for same company she saw and knew how I was feeling, now she is putting me thru it again. Not that it is her fault, but she has to know what this is doing to me concerning my sons.