NikkiB #17

[S.T. _I Made It!]

I think what OT is saying, you just really need to know what your going to do if your boundaries are broken. However, what do you do when you don't know about it, or he's lying or doing it behind your back. That's when I think that you need to think of him as in the middle of the sitch again and continue working on yourself and just be under the assumption that he is not M to you right now.

I think that any ultimatums will put him out the door again. Only because she works with him and because they "supposedly" didn't do anything and he's going to take it as major pressure. Even though you are totally right and he is totally wrong.

These are the times that I wish my H would talk to me openly about our sitch. He could help so much. I'm still gonna try to ask him some questions though..I'm sure he'll just say "I can't remember, blah blah", but it's worth a try.

Maybe you should just straight ask what happened a month ago.

You could also share with H that you feel as though you are living in the dark again and you are done trying to figure everything out. Tell him, I really was looking forward to bringing our R closer, but obviously we are still not on the same page, so for now, I am putting our M on hold until we both decide working on the M is what we BOTH want to do. I do not need you to make me happy, and what I want is for you to figure out how to make yourself happy. Only You can do this, not me, not OW, not anyone but yourself.

I'm not sure about sayin the "happy" part.

I'm so sorry you had such a rough night. Sometimes you just have to let things out. You obviously are very distraught over all this, and you need to do something different for yourself. I think it would be really good for to go to IC. If he wants to come, great, if not, that's okay.

Just think. you guys almost made it once, you can do it again. He just has way more struggles to get past than we thought.


Hey, here's a 180 for you.... Go up to his work and get in OW face and tell her your boundaries yourself. not sure it would do any good, but it would definitely show your standing up for yourself!