Just a thought. I think my W is not feeling very proud of what she did. I think this may be why I can basically do anything I want, go anywhere I want buy anything I want and she says nothing. I had a new password on my computer and we were having problems with that wireless hookup. She knows more about this stuff than I so she was working on it. So I changed the password back to the original one we had when I trusted her. Anyway when I was at work she tried to fix my lap top. But when she turned it on she saw that it needs a password. She didn’t think of trying the old one. She did not call me or say anything about the password. When I call her when I got home she said she didn’t fix it because she saw I put a pass word on it. I think she thinks / knows I don’t trust her. I think she is avoiding saying anything about what I am doing because she thinks it may open the door for me to talk about what she has done. I have already told her I want to put it past us. I want to forget and move on. This was awhile ago but I don’t think she believes me. I know I need to detach and I have been But I don’t want to shut the door either. I don’t want her to be afraid I will bring up the Affair again. I truly want to just let it go. Part of my 180 was to not keep bringing things up. She knows what she did. I know what she did. That’s it. There is no need at this time to talk about it anymore. Now if it happens again that’s a whole new issue. I know she has not been with the OM for the last 2 mo. She may have talked to him on the phone but there has been no physical contact. Maybe at dinner she may initiate something. Then again maybe at dinner she will tell me it’s over. Who knows?
Part 2 of this post is our anniversary is in two weeks. Part of my goal 2 months ago was to have this settled one way of another by then but I don’t think that is going to happen. But is it ok to get her a really nice watch? Before all of this I was going to buy a nice diamond to replace the small one in her wedding ring but I don’t think that is a good idea now.
So a recap
1. how to detach , give space but leave the door open 2. anniversary present yes or no
Thanks
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
I know you are and will, but enjoy your son. It sounds like you are having a blast with him, he will always remember the times you guys have together - keep it up.
As for detaching.....Sorry I'm going to pull out a 2x4. Your still too attached. You are worrying constantly what is on your W's mind. Stop....You cannot try to figure her out it will drive you nuts and will eventual cause you to backslide big time. You are nolonger snooping, great job. But you are always talking about contact with the OM, is she calling him is she not. Your not snooping so you do not know, again good, even if she is you cannot stop her, she needs to end it on her own. Try not to worry about what she is thinking or what she is up to. You love your W dearly, I can tell from your posts, stop worrying about her and love her from a far. Sorry if I am being a little harsh, but I did the samethings for a while and it did not help me or my sitch. Now I can really give a rats a$$ about what my W is doing or thinking. Strangely even though we are going through a D she is talking to me more, actually opening up a little. To be honest she finally seems to see the reality of it all. It is probably to late for me, but I do not think that it is for you. DETACH...Keep GALing....
You are a great guy, Dad, and if your W would ever wake up she would see that you are a great H.
It must really show I am having a hard time staying detached. I have detached but I keep on thinking of excuses and thanks to you and Andy and everyone else you keep reminding me detach...
Great so that is 3 for the watch. I am going to take my D to help pick it out. But first I must hear from Theo he is my rock and Andy is my inspiration. And all of my other "family here" I'll close the voting tomorrow after I get back from dinner. Will fill everybody in on that. This is the last outing we will have for awhile unless she instigates one.
Detach Detach
Husband.
Last edited by husband; 06/30/0703:21 AM.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Also, I vote for the watch. But I just wanted to complicate things by suggesting an alternative possibility: maybe a fine gold chain, with a diamond in a delicate setting? (I'm enjoying spending your money for you). Remember, the card is very important. I'd get something blank inside, and then see if you can Google around and find a short poem that you like, not TOO romantic, but touching, and write it out, and maybe not attribute the author (no, just kidding!). But a hand-written card will seem more personal.
Heck, and flowers at work, too. Flowers with a pretty fragrance. like lilies and tuberoses.
It probably is pursuing, but it seems like a good kind of pursuing. I gave my H a really thoughtful Father's Day gift, when what he ACTUALLY needed was two black eyes. He never said thank you, of course, but he does seem just a fraction nicer.
I think the watch sound like a great idea. Not only is it not loaded with the emotion that a diamond for an engagement ring may have but also it will hopefully be something she looks at everyday, (when checking the time), and so will be a 'nice' constant reminder of you!!
hugs n stuff
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
