BeingMe, I attended a few events put on by the Anthony Robbins people courtesy of work.
They kept saying something about hallucinations. Finally I asked, why do you use that word? Why not vision or something else? Hallucination has such a negative connotation, associated with drugs, tripping and crazy people. (my apologies to the crazy folks, including my W, hahahaha).
They said because a hallucination is something that people see and really believe. They feel it, taste it, smell it, IT is real, even if no one else can see it.
You know the saying, "you are what you eat", which is true in the health sense, but I think in the spiritual, emotional, and personality sense (even, to a certain degree, our physical bodies too), we are what we think. Our thoughts are what govern our personal universe. So, it's not a true hallucination. We make what we think, a reality. Mmmm, I think The Secret and The Law of Attraction supports this theory.
My weekend is going alright, so far. My H was tired after his long trip home, most of Thursday and Friday. His flight was delayed 2 hours in Chicago (1.5 hours spent waiting on board the plane), and he finally got home around 2am Thursday morning (I picked him up at the ferry terminal). Our friend arrived Friday afternoon, and we went off for dinner, then they went to a pub to hang out and chat shop (they are both in the same industry).
Today, they're off to play golf this a.m. and I thought I'd come online and check out the messages on the forum, after doing a spot of housework. I think I may go for a walk, or do some grocery shopping as we may have a BBQ tonight, depending on the weather which has been somewhat rainy this last couple of days. Friend leaves tomorrow, and we have church. It's also Canada Day, so if there is any fireworks we will probably go see them with D14 and S20 if he's not working.
Happy Canada Day to all the Canadians on the forum.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Happy Canada Day, Being Me! I've been thinking about you. You sounded quite frustrated with your sitch on my thread (I know, bad day, we all have em) but I thought I'd share with you how I've handled my sitch and how my decision to end it came about. I always felt that as long as there was something I could try, something different to do, some way I could put a new plan into play then I would stay. We MP's don't back down, right Being Me! I put up with the betrayal, looked for signs of change, tried to change me for the M and for me. I GAL'd my butt off. But when I came to the point where there was nothing else I could see to do, that's when the end came. It's one thing to have a battle plan and put it into place but quite another to be sitting around watching helplessly while the one you love tears your heart out bit by bit. Most people think I should have dumped her 2 years ago but I hung in, this was my W and my family and NOTHING mattered more than that. I could stand some emotional pain if it meant I could save what I cherished. It's when one realizes that there is nothing left to be done that the emptiness sets in. That's when I decided I was not going to continue bearing this pain for no other reason than to say I could bear it. Something had to change. So, I don't know where you are in your sitch but I do know that it is a powerful motivator to have a plan, something you can do. It keeps the PMA up. So maybe, you too, need to look at where you are think about what your goals are and can they be reached in the sitch you are in. I'm not advocating one way or the other but sometimes we need to sit down and take stock.
You have no idea, WII (or, maybe you do) how f...ing frustrated I am. C'mon, I'm thinking of doing a freaking powerpoint presentation to try and get my message across to my H, for pity's sake (guess that says I still have a plan, uh?!). Agh! Yeah, we MP's are real bulldogs. Sometimes, I just wish I can let go of this M, but 21 years is a helluva long time to just throw it away, without giving it a shot at saving, once again. And, it's not like my H isn't affectionate, and is starting to ML again (although it lacks intimacy, which I can't discuss with him, 'cause he gets defensive, and hurt, and feels I am unsatisfied with the way he does it), and we talk on the phone, and we go on our dates. It's just that something is missing. It's like he came back, but didn't quite come all the way back. He wants me to make the changes, accept him as he is and trust him without making any efforts to change, no intimacy, no meeting of the minds, or even one of my requests, no fireworks, yadda yadda. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm just expecting too much, and sometimes I wonder if I'm not just trying too hard to convince myself that I do still love him, and that I actually don't. Yeah, I think I am really, really frustrated.
On a positive note .... we've been citizens for 3 years now, and I am so proud of that fact (and, I did not take dual citizenship ... just Canadian). I wear something red every Friday in remembrance of our troops, that's how patriotic I am about our awesome country. My D14 is an air force cadet, and proudly wears her uniform. She is going to basic training this summer, and is so looking forward to it. I love Canada. If I were younger, I would join the reserves to help protect the rights and lifestyle so many of us take for granted (although, there are other ways to do that, i.e. vote, taking an interest in one's community, etc.). Believe me, when I say that, because I've seen some real cr*p in my life.
Thanks for thinking of me, WII! Hope you are able to have that little chat with your W tomorrow.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
You know the saying, "you are what you eat", which is true in the health sense, but I think in the spiritual, emotional, and personality sense (even, to a certain degree, our physical bodies too), we are what we think. Our thoughts are what govern our personal universe. So, it's not a true hallucination. We make what we think, a reality. Mmmm, I think The Secret and The Law of Attraction supports this theory.......
Good perspective. Thoughts become reality, or maybe thoughts are the reality. "As a man thinketh..."
You mentioned going for a walk. I've been walking lately, I can't run or bike due to knee injury. I was thinking how much it sucks to not be able to workout the way I want to workout, ie; sprinting, spinning classes, generally HIIT type stuff.
I thought, man I have to snap out of this funk, at least I can do something, right?
So now when I'm getting ready to go for my walk I start singing the song by the Brady Bunch, Sunshine Day. "I think I'll go for a walk outside..."
Not that I'm not interested in what you had to say, along with your thought process, but I'm a little confused as to why you are still on this site and posting if you have called it quites and are finished DBing. Are you still trying to DB or are you done and can't quit this site.
I agree with your view of only doing something if there is a plan, not DB just to say you can handle the pain. However, I do think there are times when we hit dry spots and need others to give us reasons to fight on. Sometimes I have had to wait a day or two before I found my next step. When I am done I want to know I have done everything.
Um, if you're asking me, then I have to say that I'm not done with my M, but sometimes I feel I am moving that way. I am still trying to piece, but it seems mostly a one-sided thing in my M. I still hold out hope that my H will 'get it', but I am not obsessing about it anymore .... thanks to all the great advice on this forum.
Hope you're having a great weekend.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Got a joke for you about walking from Ellen Degeneres.
"walking is supposed to be good for your health, my grandmother started walking the other day, we haven't seen her since, we have no idea where she is."
Okay, maybe not that funny. Maybe I missed something in the timing there...
Yeah, we MP's are real bulldogs. Sometimes, I just wish I can let go of this M, but 21 years is a helluva long time to just throw it away, without giving it a shot at saving, once again. 
And, it's not like my H isn't affectionate, and is starting to ML again (although it lacks intimacy, which I can't discuss with him, 'cause he gets defensive, and hurt, and feels I am unsatisfied with the way he does it), and we talk on the phone, and we go on our dates. It's just that something is missing. It's like he came back, but didn't quite come all the way back. He wants me to make the changes, accept him as he is and trust him without making any efforts to change, no intimacy, no meeting of the minds, or even one of my requests, no fireworks, yadda yadda. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm just expecting too much, and sometimes I wonder if I'm not just trying too hard to convince myself that I do still love him, and that I actually don't. Yeah, I think I am really, really frustrated. 
