LFL, I found out about him and Pam March 30th. It is not yet June 30th, so 3 months and he acts like I am a total psycho nut job when I "mention" it. I know that wasn't productive, but you know what would make it easiest for me to get past it? Him to admit to his own wrongdoing instead of incessantly downplaying it and acting like I have no right to mention it.
I'll bet he figures he didn't actually do anything wrong, since he controlled himself... he gave up a friendship to spare your feelings, and yet you're still giving him grief about it three months after he already gave in to you. Obviously, you see it differently. Yet another impasse to untangle before y'all can get along well.
I don't have a clue what's up with the 1992 thing. Mrs. Eddie and I had lots of fights and breakups in that year, but I barely remember them. Interestingly enough, though, every other year or so she still brings up a night I spent visiting a female friend of mine and crashing in a hotel room with her; she insists that "something" happened even though it didn't. But it's only an issue for a hour every other year or so. I couldn't imagine either of us bringing anything up from that long ago on a near-daily basis. I'll just say he needs more counseling and leave it at that.
Originally Posted By: **zuzu**
This is the exact same position he is in right now. When he gets REALLY into the mudslinging, I mean practically calling me a slut, like yesterday when he told me point blank he was a chump who should have told me to F off and he should have never married me or had kids with me, I start defending and saying, "Don't call it cheating." and we get into that semantics fight. He is best when I am totally submissive and apologetic about the whole situation, which I HAVE been.
OK, now I've got some ideas. Maybe the whole 1992 thing is his way of saying that he hasn't been happy with you ever since, that he gave you another chance "against his better judgement" and wishes he hadn't. Whether it's true or not, people have a way of rewriting history according to the way they feel at the moment. It takes a lot of reflection to untangle fuzzy memories and get at what really happened and how one really felt at the time. He's not happy now, he's being a drama king and saying he's never been happy with you ever since 1992, and he regrets getting back together with you because it led to his present unhappiness.
You may not be able to do anything about this. He's probably unhappy for his own reasons and blaming it on you. Lots of people think that a spouse should make you happy, and when it doesn't happen, it's obviously the spouse's fault.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
