That definately the right train of thought. You have to progress forward with your PMA and learn to appreciate who you are, otherwise you will always be sitting waiting for the other shoe to drop. Remember, he will only stay if the grass still appears green on your side too, otherwise he will move in another direction.
Your kind words mean a great deal to me. I really believe that "by small and simple things are great things brought to pass"--and hope that all the small improvements will continue to build on each other. I worry sometimes that I will crush any progress with him with a careless word or action. Walking on eggshells? Can't live like that, but I do think I need to be aware and be constantly working on creating a safe environment for us.
Thanks for watching out for me! You are so right that I need to keep my focus on taking care of myself instead of worrying about "what if?". Sounds so simple, doesn't it? I appreciate the validation that I'm on the right track. My best to you!
No problem, if you've read through my sitches I'm just pointing out what has been taught and what ground I've already have covered. By the way, that PMA/self worth step is something that has to keep being developed. The better you get at it, the less power the negative images will have.
Just be aware that no matter what happens, you will be okay. The future has not yet been written, so it's hardly worth worrying about. Live in the now, and enjoy the fruits of your hard DB'ing work. You are doing the right thing by talking your way through the fear.
You are awesome, and have so much courage. Your kids are sure keeping ya busy, 'eh! I remember those days with such fondness.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I think you're dead on with the idea that PMA/self worth has to be continually developed. This morning I read back through my sitch three months ago and am AMAZED at the difference in me, and the difference in H and our R as a result. No doubt, there's still a long road ahead, but I think the most significant thing is that I finally realized (as BeingMe pointed out) that I really will be okay no matter what happens. That seemed easy enough for me to accept at face value, but it took a LONG time for me to really understand it in my heart.
Thank you for the advice BeingMe--I fully intend to find joy in each new day (maybe I'll try to consciously look for it hourly! ). For all the work, I am enjoying my little kids. I know they'll be grown in the blink of an eye, and I don't want to miss a thing.
I'm working my way through a new book, and in this morning's reading, I came across this list, comparing the ways of being self-centered versus centered on others:
Charactaristics of a person who is centered on self: worried about self scarcity-minded resentful of others' success insecure sees others as rivals controlling manipulative concerned with quantity selfish lonely reactive guarded anxious suspicious fearful rigid self-centered defensive
Charactaristics of a person who is centered on others: interested in others abundance-minded delights in others' success secure, peaceful sees others as friends trusting sincere concerned with quality sharing supportive solicitous open assured serene flexible other-centered accommodating
It is really making me think about my true down-deep motives in my interactions with everyone. Certainly it is easy to say I want to be more like the second person's description. But truthfully, so many of the fears I experience in relation to my sitch fall under the description of the first.
I am looking forward to learning how to open myself, to be truly compassionate of everyone with whom I have contact, to live a life of real abundance and joy. To lose the insecurities and self-worries and truly love and be loved.
Great list! I don't think most well-balanced people are only the second one. We have to have a little of the first so that we are not doormats. However, it would be nice to aim for that second list. I know I would like to be more compassionate, abundance-minded, and other-centred.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
So this evening, after H's day with the guys, I see his phone just sitting there...I knew I shouldn't, but I checked it and there was a text from OW1: I got a speeding ticket today.
I asked H about it...he laughed it off and said, "no big deal, I talk to her every once in awhile...she's getting a new job and getting married...you're so funny when you snoop."
I know he's in our marriage now. I know he's not seeing her--she lives 900 miles from here. But I've tried several times to communicate to him that cutting off contact is a non-negotiable for me. The text itself wasn't super bothersome to me, but the fact that she'd text HIM instead of her fiance is wierd. And I can't get over the fact that he acts like it's no big deal. Like I'm supposed to be all okay about him talking to a fairly recent lover.
I'm fine--this is nothing new to me, but I think I need to address it differently, because to me, it's at minimum an open door to further betrayal. And it scares me when compounded with his outward lack of repentant behavior in regards to our faith.
). For all the work, I am enjoying my little kids. I know they'll be grown in the blink of an eye, and I don't want to miss a thing.