Let's look at your EA for instance, what did OM give you that H did not? Quality conversation, quality time, he let you get your emotions out and he listened, right?
Bingo! You're good!
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Have you told him that in clear terms? Not in hints and suggestion, but in clear terms that a man would understand. For example, "Honey, the time you spend on the internet could be better spent talking to me, I would really like that. Could we schedule 30 minutes a day to just sit on the couch and talk?"
If he doesn't agree to that, and doesn't do it, well then you have proof he's not too interested in making things better. But if all you've done is make faces at him or made veiled insults at the time he spends on the internet or doing Sudoku, or whatever, he's not getting that and he's not ignoring you, he did not HEAR you.
True, true all true. You're absolutely right. You caught me.
Now, here's the thing that gets me so confused though: we HAVE had those clear talks. Face to face. Lots of deep dialogue. Lots of promises. Over and over. I can accept that maybe it takes a few of them before they sink in. But nothing seemed to ever sink in and STAY there. Is that REALLY just a "guy" thing? I can't (don't want to) believe that all guys are THIS clueless.
Now, after the EA, he was a LOT better with this, even went to IC and MC. But then the cycle would start again. And repeat. And repeat. I can accept that changes take time, but I started wondering just how sincere he was after a couple of years of this dance.
I raise issue; we discuss; come to resolution; we implement. But EVERY time the ball was in HIS court, the ball got dropped. I got tired of being the only one picking up and carrying the ball.
Yes, maybe my leaving will be the cement block to the head. Bricks have had no effect. At least not for long.
It gets hard to believe he really wants me to stay. So, I have to consider the possibility that he's just protecting my feelings by saying what he thinks I want to hear, but not following through with action.
Here's another tidbit: Every time I declared I was leaving, his energy level would go up and he'd suddenly spend time on more meaningful, though still solitary, activities (woodworking, photography). Every time I changed my mind and decided not to leave, he'd take me back with open arms BUT go back to playing solitaire on the computer and stop the more productive stuff.
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I know of what I speak because I was your husband for the last 3 years up til 3 months ago. I hope that your leaving hits your H in the head with a brick like my W leaving did to me.
I'm curious: what went through your head when your W would try to give you clues before she finally left? (I'm assuming she did give you clues).
